A recent news item I happened to come across mentioned briefly that some restaurants are considering offering patrons cowless hamburgers. This wasn’t earth shattering news to me because I’ve actually eaten a hamburger that did not require the demise of an actual cow. Which tasted like blaccch! My immediate reaction after my first, and last bite.
Now of course this is great news for cows. Not so great for cow farmers, who, if this craze catches on, will be overrun with hundreds and hundreds of cows all over their farms. Their only salvation would be to open roadside chocolate milk stands serving ice-cold chocolate milk, which, as we all know, comes from brown cows.
Anyhow, after hearing about this plan to spare cows and give us cowless hamburgers I thought of some old cow jokes……along with some really funny cow cartoons. Can ya tell that I’m totally bored outta my gourd today. I think part of this condition comes from suddenly being “Oversantorumed.’ Which is a condition one gets from watching the news media once again go berserk over yet another Republican Presidential candidate who happens to be leading in the polls…….THIS WEEK. Obviously Rick Santorum. After all, he did score an overwhelming victory in the Louisiana primary taking all “8” out of “12” of the delegate votes. Holy cow…….!
I equate that to saying I just won five bucks on the lottery with a scratch off ticket. Holy cow!
Anyhow, to cure this cow affliction, I give you…..the cows.
So two bulls are standing on a hill observing female cows down below and thinking about a way to score some points with them.
One of the bulls spots a rubber glove on the ground, picks it up, and heads to the female cows with the glove and, in an attempt to break the ice says to them, “pardon me, but did one of you girls drop your brassiere?”
Ok….OK….kinda lame but…um…..how about the cow that jumped over the barbed wire fence……………udder destruction.
Ok…..how about this one then:
A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.
“Well, it was like this” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow’s butt. That’s when I made my mistake.”
“What did you do?”, asked the doctor.
Ok….Ok….jusssst one more……………………
The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.
They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. “Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side.”
The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked,
“Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?”
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?”
Ok…Ok….I know….quit while I’m ahead. I get it……guess I’ll be moooooving along……..(sorry)
(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link in posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) copy and paste it into your browser and it will propel you to the PayPal site. If by chance you find yourself propelled somewhere other than the PayPal site, which has happened in some instances, do not be frightened, unless you happen to be wearing a brown mohair suit and you find yourself in a green pasture with a bull holding a rubber glove. Just mooooove very fast.
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV
And now folks, in a memorable tribute to all cows, a very touching song, “Cows With Guns.”