Everytime around this year, or, sometimes it seems like it’s year round, I get constant e-mails and regular snail mail from those people at “Publishers Clearing House.”
“Richard, here’s your last chance to enter before you’re disqualified. Do you really want to lose out on winning the PCH gazillion million dollars. Enter NOW!”
OMG!! OMG!! I’d better verify my entry and take a chance. Ya never know.
So I go ahead and click “verify entry” and then several thousand pages of PCH offers pop up, all of which I have to either scan through or bypass. Which I do, cause I’m no damn dummy. I know if I order something it will not increase my chances of winning. That’s what THEY claim anyhow.
So, that done, I go on with my usual daily routine feeling confident that I’ve secured my PCH entry and that’s that.
The very next day yet another urgent message from PCH appears in my e-mail telling me to confirm my initials are R.V. (the message below from PCH)
I confirm my initials are RV, and I’m responding by the March 16th (11:59 PM, ET) deadline. I’m aware that contest regulations mandate someone with my set of initials will win $1OO.OO (Gwy. No. 2231)!
OMG!!! OMG!!! Someone with MY initials might be the winner! Holy crap! Might be that guy Ricardo Vernsdork who runs the pizza place down the road. OMG!! Or, or, Rufus Vonkowski, that Polish guy who picks up my trash. OMG!! OMG!! Geez….it could even be another Richard…like little Richard Vergenberry, my newspaper carrier. OMG!! OMG!! I’d better verify that MY initials are RV.
WAIT! Suppose it “IS” one of those other people with the initials RV and I’m just wasting my time, I’m thinking to myself. Suppose PCH is just trying to get me to buy something and, because I usually don’t buy anything from them anyhow, they’re just trying to suck me into buying something and none of us with the initials RV stand a freakin’ snowballs chance in hell of winning.
So, just to cover my butt, I personally called all the people with RV in their initials in my immediate area, because PCH says someone in my area, with the initials RV might be a winner, just to see if they entered.
Besides the people who hung up on me and called me a damn pervert and I’d better not call again or they’d call the cops, there were only three other RV’s in my immediate area. And they said that they had no interest in entering the PCH sweepstakes, blocked their computers from receiving their PCH e-mails, forbidden the postal carrier from delivering PCH snail mail, and sent hate letters to PCH. So I was somewhat confident that my chances of winning increased.
Until I got yet another e-mail telling me that I had to confirm my other several confirmations that needed to confirm that I was confirming the fact that I wanted to be confirmed for entering the sweepstakes and if I didn’t confirm this confirmation along with the seven other confirmations I would be disqualified….unless I confirmed my confirmation which I obviously thought I had already confirmed…..several times…..which I personally confirmed.
Finally, after my last notice that I had to confirm that my initials were RV, I was quite confident that I stood a fairly good chance of winning. After all, I basically eliminated all of the other RV’s and PCH said to keep an eye open for the PCH sweepstakes van that would be in my neighborhood……which worried me further.
Suppose the PCH van is in my neighborhood and I’m not home? Suppose the PCH van parks in front of my house, (very busy highway) and gets slammed in the rear by a semi, does that mean I’m disqualified if they all get crushed to smithereens? Would they then send another van? Would I be liable for the injuries suffered by the people in the van? Could they sue me? And if they did, would my prize winnings cover the lawsuit settlement? And if they won that settlement would I be required to actually purchase something from PCH as part of the settlement?
OMG!! Was this all worth it?
Can ya tell I’m a bit paranoid?
Finally, after yet receiving another e-mail from PCH this morning asking me to verify my height, weight, age and the name of all of my cats and sexual preferences or I would be disqualified, I hit the delete button. Screw them….I’m not telling them anything about my cats.
Because the next thing ya know they’ll be sending me yet another confirmation letter telling me that unless I respond by March 16th, I’ll be disqualified….BUT….if I order from the offers they’ve included for anyone who owns cats, my confirmation will be validated.
HAH! I’m not THAT stupid. I didn’t fall off of the cat litter truck yesterday ya know.
It’s just a ploy to get me to buy something. Well I ain’t fallin’ for it!
But…..I did work out a deal with my trash collector Rufus. I’m now entering his name on all of the PCH entries because he lives on a rural road, (no chance of a semi slamming into the PCH van) plus he collects all of those PCH snail mail envelopes from his daily trash pickups, scratches off the names and writes in his own, (more chances to win) and I agreed to help him with his trash pickups….as long as I don’t have to pick up any road kill.
We agreed to a 60/40 split of the prize winnings. He gets 60% because he does most of the work. I get 40% because I refuse to scrape up road kill.
Seems like a fair deal to me.
(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted (blue) or if you can’t smell it, (garbage truck factor) simply copy and paste it into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site. Those of you who throw out all PCH entries, please save them and forward them to Rufus’s Trash Service, c/o MisfitWisdom, Somewhere, Connecticut.
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV