First of all, let me state unequivocally that I am not gay. Well, I mean in the literal sense. If you mean am I “gay” meaning happy and bubbly, then I would fall into that category. But if you mean that I’m “gay” as in being a “gay” person who prefers someone of the same-sex, then I’m not. Except for my 5 cats, who actually have no sexual preferences at all and whom I love equally, male or female.
That said, I also want to state that whatever one chooses to be, straight or gay, I have no problem with. Whatever will be will be or, as Doris Day once sang, “Oue Sera Sera.”
Now the reason I’m writing about gays or being gay is that I can understand, from my viewpoint, being straight, and in a relationship with a woman, why some guys might choose to be gay. Because….WOMEN DRIVE MEN FREAKIN’ NUTS….that’s why.
Ya see, it’s this way. Men have absolutely no problem understanding each other. It’s plain and simple as that. You ask another guy a question and you get a logical answer.
Ask a woman a logical question and it takes, as the old phrase goes, a damn Philadelphia lawyer to figure out her response.
Here’s an example:
(Woman) “Dear, what are you going to wear to the Ferkzolks party tonight?”
(Man) “Hmmm, I thought I’d wear my white Levis and a ………………”
(Woman) “WHITE LEVIS….are you stupid….this is March for Gawd’s sake, you can’t wear white until after Memorial Day!!!!”
(Man) “I can’t….why?”
(Woman) “Because you just can’t…..that’s why!”
Obviously that is the law of the land according to ANY woman. BUT…
If you are in a relationship (gay) I’d bet you a dime to a dollar, (old Nordic saying, I think) if you had that same conversation, you actually wouldn’t be having that same conversation because your partner wouldn’t give a rats ass about breaking the “white Levis rule” prior to memorial day…..THAT’S WHY!
Because men, most men anyhow, don’t give a damn about stupid stuff like the “Memorial Day Dress Code.” Which is one reason I can understand why some men choose to be gay. Why put up with that nonsense when you can slap on a pair of white jeans in December and not be ridiculed. Makes sense to me. It’s a wonder half the men population in the world aren’t gay just on that point alone!
The other factor that I would bet money on is the “because” response that 100% of women use on men.
Ask a logical question and 9 out of 10 times a woman’s response will be, “because.”
Which can also be associated with, “because I said so,” “because that’s the way it is,” “because I said because,” and the ever popular “because women don’t have to have a logical answer, that’s why.”
All of which drive men nutso, or to a local bar where they can surround themselves with a bunch of guys who never use the word, “because.”
Besides, how many “gay” divorces do ya hear about? Not many as far as I can determine. WHY? Because men speak the same language, and, for the most part, don’t break out in sobs watching a cat video.
I’m not advocating that all men should turn gay. That’s entirely up to the individual. But, I can, as I said, and will say again, understand why it’s a lot easier for men to prefer a gay relationship. I bet they live longer too. Read the dam obits. Married men drop like damn flys while women live to be in their 90’s collecting their spouse’s term life insurance because they drove them freakin’ crazy. Which I think is the ultimate plan for any woman using the “because” tactic.
Of course the politically correct crowd who are reading this blog have already popped their “politically correct” dose of Valium and are frothing at the mouth…or wherever they froth from, which I think is a bit lower in the anatomy, and they’re screaming at me for condoning gay relationships. While many of them who preach morality and try to control everyone else’s lives sit in their living rooms watching X-Rated flicks on their wide screen televisions via Blue-Ray .
“Martha…..Martha…..come quick…this pinko left-wing blogger is writin’ a blog about gays and why he can understand why some men are gay!!!!!!”
“OMG!!! OMG!!! Harry. Why the hell are ya readin’ that blasphemous stuff? Hit the delete button! Hit it now before your mind is warped and you go blind for Gawds sake!”
“But Martha, I want to see what this nut case has to say about gays!”
“HARRY…..delete it NOW!”
“Because? What the hell does that mean?”
“Because I said so……that’s why!”
“Harry……………Harry………..where ya goin’?”
“To the bar around the corner Martha…..I need a shot of “male talk.”
Ya see folks, the problem with gays is that there isn’t any problem with gays. Or being gay. Or being a male gay person or a female gay person. Although I haven’t done any research on gay women to see if they, in a relationship with another women, continue to use the “because” word. I would lean towards “not” based on the fact that no woman would ever ask another woman a question that would require the “because” response.
Hmmmm……do men and women in a same-sex relationship ever use the term, “not tonight dear?” Just a fleeting thought.
I do tend to fleet a lot.
So, in conclusion, there ya have my thoughts about being gay and why you tend to see hundreds of men all over the country march in gay parades wearing white Levis prior to Memorial Day.
It’s their way of saying to all women…………
I’m gay, I’m wearing Levis before Memorial Day………..BECAUSE!”
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