Ya gotta hand it to the Japanese. When it comes to inventing things they’re right on the ol ball. Their latest creation is a “Silence Gun” which they call a “weapon” of the future that immediately quiets anyone, whether they like it or not.
This new weapon (pictured) has many ramifications…..especially for us males. Which I’ll get to as soon as I explain how this new device works.
Apparently the Japanese were kinda fed up with people who interrupt conversations or dares to speak out of turn. You know, like when you’re attempting to tell a real funny joke and your other half constantly interrupts you and ultimately kills the punch line. Don’t ya just wanna smack her.
Well now you don’t have to resort to violence. Nope. Now you can simply use this device, called a “gun” which operates on the concept of delayed auditory feedback. In other words, zap her and whatever she has to say is delayed. I’m not sure for how long however. Might wanna have your car keys handy just in case the effects are not long-lasting.
An attached microphone picks up the sound being made by the target, any woman, although it can be used on other people as well, but I’m signaling out women because…um….because….it’s the right thing to do when it comes to us guys finally getting in the last word.
This is how it works. The gun type device, which is attached to a microphone, picks up the sound being made by the target, (in this example, your wife or girlfriend, or both, or, in some extreme cases, your mother-in-law) and then it plays it back in 0.2 seconds which in turn confuses the human brain, making it all but impossible to talk or hold a conversation. No physical effects or harm are associated with using this device, it just messes with their heads.
The developers say the gun could be used for such innocent things such as enforcing rules in libraries or in large meetings when it’s important that onlookers not disrupt the speaker, or, if you might be at a strip club and you’re attempting to concentrate, and have your own fantasy as you sit there in your heavy overcoat and some loud mouth yokel is hooting loudly at the display of hooters. Don’t ya just hate that!
This also has some political ramifications. A protestor or speaker at a political rally could be easily silenced just because he may have an unpopular view. Remember when George W. Bush had a shoe thrown at him.
Um….wait…….oh, sorry, the device only works on someone attempting to talk. It has not been perfected to deflect any objects thrown at anyone.
“Dear….my mother is almost here, would you help me set the table?”
“Oh for *********she’s a pain in the****and I wish she’s just walk in front of a**********!”
“Hi mom, Charlie was just saying how nice it was that you could spend some quality time with us today.”
“Oh sure he did***********that good for********and if I had my way he’d be***********and I’d shove my*******up his**********so let’s eat.”
“Fine mom, now both of you turn off your “Silence Guns” and put them over there on the table and let’s enjoy a good meal together.”
“So Gladys, I see you’re not wearing a watch, what’d ya do, look at the time too much and crack the crystal….heh heh heh.”
“Verrrrrry funny Charles, …………………at least “I” can tell time…..heh heh heh.”
“Oh YEAH….well speaking of time telling, have ya looked in the mirror lately ya old bag.”
“Old Bag….you’re so ugly Charlie you should be wearing an old cat litter bag over your face.”
“Oh yeah Gladys, how’d ya like me to sic Fluffy on you for demeaning her cat litter.”
“OK……..ENOUGH YOU TWO….FOR CRIPES SAKE TURN YOUR SILENCE GUNS BACK ON…GEEZ!!!!!”
So ya see folks, “Silence Guns” in the wrong hands, (except guys) can be very dangerous. We all need to contact the Japanese inventors of this device and tell them to put explicit warning labels on these Silence Guns that they should not be used by women. This is urgent. Do it NOW before it’s too late.
Otherwise a scene like this could take place:
“Soooooooooooooo dear, I’m feeling kinda frisky tonight, do ya wanna****************?”
“Sure I want to read a nice book and then go to sleep honey…..how considerate of you.”
(DONATE) The Misfi*****link is posted*****If it is not highl*********copy and *******into your browser and it will take you to the******site. HEY********is someone using a damn Silence Gun on me here?
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV