Sex With A Dead Person May Be Illegal Soon In Illinois…..Damn!

Yep…..legislation introduced by Illinois State Representative Dan Beiser, (D) if enacted, may make it illegal to have sex with a dead person.

Yes, I know what you’re all asking yourselves. “Is sex with dead people running rampant all over Illinois?”

Well no, not actually, but Beiser felt that it was necessary to include that wording in part of a new legislation that would make it a felony to move a corpse.  The “moving of a corpse” part was the original legislation because apparently there have been instances of people moving corpse’s without being authorized to move such corpses which have really ticked off authorities who were attempting to determine why the corpse was there in the first place, but, couldn’t determine the reason, because, the corpse had been moved, without authorization.

So, you ask…..why add “having sex with a corpse?”  Beats me!  From what I could determine by the news release, apparently someone once actually had sex with a corpse, so, Beiser felt that this was the perfect opportunity to insert wording in his legislation that would make it a felony to have sex with a corpse.

This came as a surprise to Madison County Coroner Steve Nonn, who thought it was already illegal to have sex with a corpse.  He could have said, “Nonn of that stuff ever happens in my morgue.”

There are many men out there in Illinois who are now thinking, after reading this story, that perhaps this legislation should have some exceptions to it, at least in the wording, so as not to confuse having sex with a corpse to that of having sex with someone resembling a corpse.

“HEY! What the hell do ya mean by that?”

Oh…..sorry.  What I mean by that is that there are many married men out there who will swear that having sex with their spouses after many years of marriage is like having sex with a corpse ya freakin’ dummy….that’s what I meant.

I’ll lay ya odds that there aren’t too many married men out there who aren’t gonna agree with me on that one.

Anyhow, me thinkith that Representative Beiser should perhaps put some additional wording into his legislation that clarifies the “sex with a corpse” legislation. Like, “it’s illegal to have sex with a corpse if it has been determined that said corpse is indeed dead and has been pronounced dead by the Madison County coroner’s office. Furthermore, if a married man so says that having sex with his spouse is like having sex with a corpse, the married man shall be exempt from prosecution as long as such spouse is deemed alive,  capable of breathing and, upon uttering the phrase, “not tonight dear, I have a headache,” be determined that such spouse is not an actual corpse.”

This exemption does not apply if you actually knocked off your wife for lack of sex. Unless you can prove self-defense. Something like, she hit you with a table lamp in the bedroom while you were making advances towards her and the cord to the lamp was defective, she then got electrocuted and died and you fell on top of her unconscious and that’s how the police found you. Which is where the “having sex with a corpse” ruling could be a bit tricky.

Yes, there needs to be very explicit wording in that legislation. Ya just never know what can happen in a bedroom.

Like the one time I was naked and we were going to spend some romantic time together and the cat was under the covers and got scared and leaped out with its claws extended and I, being naked, screamed out in pain while my other half…um………………neverrrrr mind.

Hmmmmm…….maybe Rep. Beiser should include “moving” cat corpses in his legislation.

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted (blue, as in, “That thar guy sure is dead Ralph, he’s sure in hell blue) then copy and paste the link into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site quicker than you can say, “Geez dear, makin’ love to you is like makin’ love to a corpse.”  Oops…..

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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