As if I didn’t have enough to worry about, now I have to worry about my house making me fat according to an article from Yahoo’s “Shine.”
I’m tellin’ ya, it isn’t easy reading stuff on the Internet these days. Just when you think you have nothing else to worry about, other than where the Kardashian’s and Donald Trump are gonna pop up next, along comes this new problem to worry about. Cripes!
So, as a public service, I decided to look at just why my house might be making me fat as well as determining if many of the fat people I know who have visited my house can hold me responsible for their fatness. Don’t wanna wind up in court ya know.
According to Brian Wansink, PhD and author of, “Mindless Eating: Why We Eat More Than We Think,” we’re, for the most part, a bunch of food guzzling idiots who could slim ourselves down to a respectable weight if only we’d follow these simple rules. Stop eating and spend your money on other stuff.
Only kidding….although that does work. I personally know a lot of really thin people who stopped eating and lost a lot of weight. Unfortunately most of them are dead.
Anyhow, Wansink says that there are a number of factors that contribute to weight gain that lurk in the dark recesses of everybody’s home……..the most prominent factor……food. My guess anyhow.
First on the list of things that make us gain weight is the common serving plate. If your plate is oversized you tend to plop more food on it so as not to waste space. Nothing worse than a plate that’s half empty. Doesn’t look neat and during the summer flies tend to use it as a landing area. The solution according to Dr. Wansink, use salad plates instead of regular plates. Ya might wanna skip using the salad plates if you have guests over lest they think you’re a damn cheap skate.
Unless…..they’re really fat and you don’t want to be blamed for contributing to their weight gain. Skip the dessert too. Better yet, avoid the grief and never invite anyone over.
Then there is the dreaded drinking glass. Yep, if you have the wrong size drinking glass you could gain thousands of pounds. Who knew? Mr. Wansink know it all says that the shape of your drinking glass makes a huge difference. “If your glass is short and squat, it may be responsible for your similarly shaped figure.” He suggests we only use tall, thin 16-oz glasses because our pea sized brains, (pea-sized,my term) tends to over-focus on the height of objects at the expense of their width. Kinda like spotting a really hot babe in a crowd, making your way over to her, and then discovering that she weighs 250 pounds.
So, only drink out of thin glasses and ALWAYS wear really good glasses in a bar while scouring the crowd for hot babes. Or carry a set of binoculars.
The next thing that makes us fat slobs. Your freakin’ TV. That one I already knew. It’s those damn TV ads for food, chocolate, cakes and all that other stuff that they advertise at night while you’re sitting on the sofa starved outta your tree because you just ate supper from a damn salad dish.
Dr. Wansink says that, “You eat more in front of a screen because you’re multitasking and not concentrating on the feeling of fullness or enjoying the meal.”
What this basically means is that you’re not concentrating on the autopsy going on during a CSI program and you’re stuffing your mouth with all kids of stuff instead of paying attention to that liver or spleen being dissected. Although, I personally do not find that watching that stuff deters me, or my other half from scarfing down anything resembling food.
Um…WAIT! I stand corrected……my other half DOES get all freaked out if she’s eating in front of the tube and some sort of body part is being waved around by those CSI guys. Which accounts for the fact that she weighs less than I do.
So, this problem of weight gain can be solved very easily by simply scheduling snacks during a CSI autopsy segment.
Snack foods, according to the Doc are another weight gain problem. (remember now folks, your house is all to blame for this weight gain stuff)
It’s like this, again, according to the Doc. “When you’re hungry, you’re going to grab what’s closest, so if you take time to strategically arrange the food in your pantry, you can count on keeping off some of that excess weight. Bury the unhealthy snacks in the back of the cabinet or relegate the extras (goodies) to the basement or garage.”
Oh yeah, sure Doc, easy for you to say. First of all I don’t have a stinkin’ garage and if I so much as hide snacks in my basement the damn cats are gonna get into them. AND….obviously you’ve never had one of those, “I’ve gotta have chocolate” moment otherwise you’d understand that when the urge for chocolate hits you there’s nothing that’s going to deter you from ripping every single cabinet door open or driving to the nearest convenience store just to get your hands on it.
So much for THAT theory.
Finally, there’s music. Yep, according to chocolate deficient Dr. Wansink, music in your house can make ya fat. Please somebody, shoot me now.
It’s this way. Slow music makes ya fat while fast music makes you lose weight. Step in another fat food expert, Dr. Linda Mintle, PhD, and author of “Press Before You Eat,” says, “It’s an unconscious cue to pick up the pace at meals-think about fast-food joints that play these types of songs. Nicer restaurants play slower music, which encourages you to linger and enjoy your meal. If you eat slowly and enjoy every bite, your brain and stomach have time to figure out that you’re full before you overeat.”
Sooooooo, do NOT eat anyplace that’s playing a really fast Lady Ga Ga song or any type of upbeat rap music. Search out those places that feature songs by Barry Manilow, Frank Sinatra, and your basic elevator music. Or, simply buy your food at the take out counter and eat it in an elevator. Sounds logical to me.
So there ya have it. Eating habits that make you fat, which mostly can be blamed on your house.
“Gawd! I’m stinkin fat because my house made me this way.” Hmmmmm, maybe I should move.
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