Oh Nooooooooooo Mr. Bill. Say it ain’t so. Twitter is tweaking its own twanger froggy!!
Yes….Yes….Twitterbeings, Twitter, not to be confused with s**tter such as bears do in the woods, on occasion, when no one is looking, is actually going to basically do the same thing, when no one is looking, by refining its technology so that they can censor messages on a country-by-country basis. OMG!!
TWITTER!!! CENSORING!!! Cripes, that’s like taking Lewis Black and gagging him every time the “F” word comes out of his mouth.
This can only mean one thing, besides censoring that is. It means that we, as users of Twitter can no longer tell any ethnic jokes. Like, “Did ya hear about the Polish terrorist who tried to blow up a car but burnt his lips on the tailpipe.”
OMG!! No more ethnic jokes. The Mayans were right! Here’s the first sign! OMG.
Damn, and I had so many ethnic jokes in my brain. Now what the hell do I do?
I’m sorry folks. My apologies to all ethnic groups, including myself, (Italian) I have to purge myself of all ethnic jokes before Twitter pulls the plug and censors me and everyone else. Forgive me. This may be my last chance to do it. Damn you Twitter.
Soooooooooooo, two Italians, Luigi and Giovanni were building a spaceship in their backyard when Guido approached them and asked them what they were doing.
“We building a spaceshipa and Giovanni and I are gonna go to da sun.”
“Luigi, yousa buildin a spaceshipa and youa gonna go to da sun. Whaddya yousa crazy…..you gonna burna up!”
“Ha Ha Ha, Guido…da jokea isa on yousa, we gonna go at night.”
Ok….Italians outta the way….onward. Hmmmm, lets see, oh yeah, the ever popular Jewish jokes.
A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach at Ft. Meyers, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. “Hello, sir, how are you today?”
“Fine, thank you.” he responded, and turned back to his book.
“I love the beach. Do you come here often?” she asked “First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago.” he replied and turned back to his book.
“I’m sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely.” she countered. “Do you live around here?” she asked.
“Yes, I live over in Cape Coral.” he answered, and again resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, “Do you like pussy cats?”
With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to her, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, “How did you know that was what I wanted?”
The man replied, “How did you know my name was Katz?”
Oh yeah……What do ya say to a Muslim with his arm all the way up a camel’s butt?
“Having car trouble?”
Sorry, but I didn’t write that one either. Well, um, actually I DID write that one but I wrote it here after someone else wrote it somewhere else and I just re-wrote it here. HEY….I’m tryin’ to get as many ethnic groups in here as I can so that at least EVERYBODY gets offended, including my own Italian relatives. Fair is fair ya know.
A U.S. border patrol agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes by the border fence, he pulls him out and says, “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”
The Mexican man pleads with them, “No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I’m going to make it hard for him and says “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use 3 English words in a sentence”.
The Mexican man of course agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, “The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence.”
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, “Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?
On to Chinese:
A single Chinese man owns a Chinese restaurant, and one day a beautiful Chinese woman walks in. He immediately walks over and asks her out on a date. She agrees. They go out for a while, and soon, the man proposes to her. She says “Yes, but before we do, there’s something you must know. I have never had the sex, but I’ve read about it.” He says that it’s not a problem, and they are married.
On their honeymoon, the man tells his wife that since she’s a virgin, she can choose what they do first. She says “Oh, most honorable husband. I am honored to be your wife, even though I have never had the sex, but I’ve read about it. So, I have chosen to have the 69.
The husband looks confused, and after thinking about it, he says “You want.. the beef and broccoli?”
I bet you all thought I forgot The Irish…heh, heh, heh….take THIS Twitter!
A bar is empty except for two patrons. One of them staggers over to the other and says, “How’s it going? Where you from?”
The other guy says “Ireland.”
The first drunk says “That’s cool! I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have a round for Ireland!” They both drink merrily.
Then the first guy says “So where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin? Awesome! I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another round for Dublin!” Once again, they both drink merrily.
Then the first guy asks, “So where did you go to school?”
“St. Mary’s, class of ’62” answers the other guy.
“Incredible! I graduated in ’62 from St. Mary’s, too! Let’s have a round for St. Mary’s!” Once again, they suck down another round.
Just then, one of the bar regulars walks in and sits at the bar. He asks the bartender, “So what’s going on today?”
The bartender answers, “Nothing… The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”
Finally, a bit of Greek humor………………..with an Italian thrown in for good measure.
A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon.”
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.”
The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics”
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire.”
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. j With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sex!”
The Italian replies, “That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.”
OK TWITTER…….BRING IT ON……CENSOR ME, CENSOR ME……I CAN TAKE IT!! (Scene from an old Jimmy Cagney movie) Ok ya dirty screws….I ain’t afraid to die….do ya hear me coppers……..comeon’ and get me ya rotten low down ratfinks!”
Um….jussssst in case they do come after me, I didn’t do any ethnic native American jokes…………..only because I still wanna be able to go to a casino.
OK Twitter….sock it to me.
(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted it might mean Twitter censored it because they might think it was some sort of ethnic joke disguised in code. Can’t slip anything by those guys. Damn! Anyhow, try to copy and paste it into your browser and beat feet to the PayPal site before Twitter gets there first.
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV