Like Jimmy Durante used to say, “Everybody Wants To get Into The Act.” Now the Vatican has chimed in on new movies with their movie critic, Monsignor Franco Perazzelo, of the “Pontifical Council of Culture” who just commented on the new movie, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon.”
Do they have “Netflix” at the Vatican or does Monsignor Franco spend waaaay too much time at a Vatican movie theater. Unless, of course he has video on demand.
The Roman Catholic Church has expressed concern due to the popularity of the “Twilight” movies. This can only mean one thing. The Vatican now employs a movie critic.
“LIVE….From the Vatican, It’s Monsignor Franco Perazello with this weeks, “A Vatican Peek At The Movies.”
“Thanka you Mr. Announcer typa person, Cardinal Giovanni Flapozzini. Firsta of all I’da lika to review the latest movie from Hollywooda entitled, “Twilight: Da New Moona.”
(scene from the movie which only shows a blank screen and no dialogue as edited by the Vatican censors)
“Asa youa can se by da film clipa we justa showa you, disa movie isa “deviant moral vacuum” whicha contains “an undercurrenta of occultism” and isa anti-Christian. I giva it a onea star minus plus 25 more minuses ratingsa.”
Apparently the Vatican does not like this movie. My guess anyhow.
The Monsignor went on to say: “The theme of vampires in “Twilight” combines a mixture of excesses that as ever is aimed at young people and gives a heavy esoteric element.”
“Esoteric” means, according to my MisfitWisdom gazillion word dictionary, “Understood by or only meant for a few specially instructed or initiated individuals.” Most likely prospective teenage vampires is what I’m thinking he’s thinking. Must be a lot of Italian vampires in Italy or the Monsignor knows something we don’t know.
I might add that the Vatican also came down heavy on other movies with the “esoteric” word, such as “Harry Potter,” “Angels and Demons,” as well as “The Da Vinci Code” movies.
Geez…..it’s a good thing they don’t have a Vatican book reviewer. I’d really be up the ol creek.
I mentioned just the other day that my new “Kindle” book, “A Grimm Look At Fairy Tales,” *for adults only, was now available. Can ya imagine what’s gonna happen when Monsignor Franco reviews that!
Monsignor Franco Perazzelo reviews the new MisfitWisdom book, “A Grimm Look At Fairy Tales.”
“Nevera befora ina my lifa havea I seen sucha distortation of da facts in disa new book. It isa disgracea to da entire fairy talea community. Da facta that dia booika wasa a written bya an Italiana boy is even morea ofa disgracea. Dia bookia is a deviant moral vacuuma and I’ma gonna goa stepa further and saya it containsa heavy esoteric elements.”
This of course would guarantee that my book sales would skyrocket….at least in the Vatican’s bookstores. Providing that they actually have a Vatican bookstore…which I assume they do, but most likely contains Vatican approved books with stuff about God, angels, Heaven and how really bad it is if you go to Hell.
Hmmmm. Might not be able to buy my book there, but, I betcha just outside of the Vatican gates ya might.
I don’t know why they get all bent outta shape at the Vatican over a stupid movie. It’s just movie about vampires and teenagers, and we all know, for you parents with teenagers, that vampires and teenagers do go together. After all, don’t teenagers “suck” parents dry “biting” into their wallets for money, sinking their “teeth” into all of the food in your house, and hibernating during daylight hours only to emerge after dark to stalk various female victims once the moon is full at numerous bars and nightclubs.
Not having any teenagers roaming the massive halls of the Vatican might be one reason they don’t quite understand how all of us are accustomed to teenage vampires. After all, most of the staff of the Vatican automatically get complimentary copies of “AARP” Magazine and probably have never seen a teenager.
I for one, personally think that Popes are born old. HEY! Have ya ever seen a candidate for the Popedum (my word) that is in his 30′ or 40’s? NO! It’s always some old guy with one foot on a banana peel who they pick to replace a Pope who has passed on. What’s with that!
Ya see, if they appointed a younger pope, maybe one who actually had experienced meeting a teenager, they might not be so hard on movies like “Twilight.” I mean I can understand their feelings about “Angels and Demons,” because it promotes their side line business, exorcism.
As far as the “Da Vinci Code” is concerned, that may have touched a few nerves at the Vatican because it involved murder, the church, and secret codes, which may have revealed the secret code used for the selection of a new Pope. Namely, how to make either white or black smoke to announce the selection of a new Pope.
Frankly, I think the Vatican just likes to keep their product, (which is telling all of us we’re going to Hell if we ignore them) in the limelight. It’s not like they have their own TV show or something. So panning movies gets them attention as well as keeping the flock in line.
This also helps Hollywood because anytime the Vatican says a movie will make you go blind, warp your spine, and cripple your hands, more will flock to see the movie. This also applies to masturbation.
(my own scientific research on the going blind, warping of spines, and crippling of hands that they taught me in the Catholic church proves them to be wrong. Needing glasses, having to sit down to put my socks on and hangnails might come close, but I think that’s just a coincidence)
So, all of you have to simply make up your own mind as to whether you want to see this new movie, or take the advice of the church, and their new movie critic, and not see it. The same goes for my book, which I’m sure the Monsignor would not recommend.
Then again, not having any fairy tale books in the Vatican library, how would he know if what I wrote is “esoteric.”
Erotic maybe….but definitely not esoteric.
Hmmmm…..wonder how ya say “esoteric” in Italian?
Oh Yeah…….”Itsa bada booka for instructeda or initiateda individualsa.”
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