OMG!!! Twinkies! Ho Ho’s! Ding Dongs! Bankrupt!!!

I can’t take it anymore. Just when you think it’s safe to run to your local store and buy a damn Twinkie to settle your nerves, Hostess announces that it’s filing for bankruptcy protection. What the hell is this world coming to!

First they start phasing out telephone booths and force Superman to go into retirement for lack of a place to change into his Superman outfit. Then ya can’t even find a new car with a damn cigarette lighter or ashtray in it anymore so that you can at least, if you don’t smoke, use the tray for loose change and the lighter for keeping warm if you’re homeless and living in your car, and NOW, NOW, Twinkies, Ho Ho’s, Sno Balls and Ding Dongs are in jeopardy. OMG!

What the hell are they gonna take away from us next? Mom’s apple pie for gawd’s sake!  Baseball!  Chevrolet! One can only imagine. Um, I think mom is safe with the apple pie stuff and baseball is pretty solid, but Chevrolet might be on the list. I say that only because we owe so much money to China that eventually I think U.S. companies are going to have to sell off some of their assets to pay them back and selling Chevrolet to them might be an option.  Which means we’ll all eventually be driving Chevyshaws.

Hostess, the company that makes all of those products, including “Wonder Bread,” has filed for bankruptcy protection so that it’s protected from creditors attempting to raid their factories and making off with tons of Twinkies, Sno Balls, Ho Ho’s, Ding Dongs and Wonder Bread. THEN…holding all of those products hostage in some seedy corporate warehouse until Hostess pays a ransom.

Secret photo obrtained by MisfitWisdom of Twinkie hoarders.

And what if Hostess refuses to fess up with the money they owe?

This can only mean one thing.  Black market goodies.

“Psssst, hey buddy. If ya want a good deal on a Twinkie, step into this alley here and I’ll make ya an offer you can’t refuse.”

“OMG!  You’ve got Twinkies I can get my hands on. Thank God!  I’ve been in withdrawal for over two days and I can hardly function.  My wife is threatening to leave me and my kids aren’t even talking to me since I sent them off to school with nothing for dessert but a Ritz cracker with cottage cheese on it.”

“No problem buddy.” (opening car trunk) “Take a look at THIS stash.”

“OMG!!! OMG!!!  Twinkies, Ho Ho’s, Sno Balls, Ding Dongs, and….and…..even Wonder Bread! (reaching into wallet) “So how much for a dozen Ho Ho’s?”

“Um, you talkin’ about the Hostess Ho Ho’s or my girlfriend standin’ in da corner over there?”

“Oh sorry, I meant the Ho Ho’s you can actually eat, ….um….no disrespect or pun intended sir.”

“S-ok buddy. That’ll be twenty five bucks a box. So how ya payin’ for this stuff?”

“Do you take Visa or MasterCard?”

“Nah….either cash on the line or a debit card.”


“Cause we know you Ho Ho, Ding Dong, Sno Ball, and Twinkie addicts are gonna wolf down this stuff the minute you leave this alley and we wanna make sure we get our money first. You users are all the same. Get the product, stuff your faces with it, and them claim ya never got the merchandise.  We’re not stupid ya know.”

Even as the media was reporting that Hostess was filing for bankruptcy, they themselves were secretly hoarding Twinkies.

So you see folks. Hostess, by filing for bankruptcy protection is going to open up a whole new area of black market sales.  CSI will be out in force to apprehend violators using scientific techniques to detect Ho Ho and Ding Dong chocolate on perps hands, or Twinkie cream on their faces. Clinics will have to expand their services to include adults, and even small children, who are going through the stages of Twinkie withdrawal.  Where does it all end?

Is all hope lost?  Are we all going to be relegated to ODing on black market Twinkies to get out daily fix? Is this all a conspiracy by vegetable growers to push their produce so that we’ll all lose weight by consuming fewer calories?  Will we all become a nation of Spandex wearers, so thin that Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig will have to close down? And what’s to become of Wonder Bread?  One can only wonder.

It's so out of hand that even celebrities are going off of the deep end

Personally, being a sweet freak and having a mouthful of sweet teeth, I intend to run out to the grocery store today and buy as many Twinkies, Ho Ho’s, Sno Balls, and Ding Dongs that I can get my hands on. AND….do NOT attempt to get in my way.

Just like a woman, a man with a craving for chocolate and sweets who’s been off them for a day or two can be verrrrry dangerous. So stay outta my way.  Just a fair warning.

Damn you Hostess….you’ve turned me into a desperate hoarder. Just look at me…..take a really long look……..YEAH…..a face covered with chocolate and frothing at the mouth with Twinkie cream.

(sigh) It's even spread to the deep south. We're doomed I tell ya....doomed.

How sad.

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (might be obscured with chocolate residue) simply copy and paste it into you browser and it will take you to the PayPal site. I urge all of you to contribute immediately before there is a massive run on Twinkies, Ho Ho’s, Sno Balls and Ding Dongs so that I can run to the grocery store and clean off their shelves. PLEASE!  Contribute now!!!

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV


Brings new meaning to the phrase...."Eat Me."

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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2 Responses to OMG!!! Twinkies! Ho Ho’s! Ding Dongs! Bankrupt!!!

  1. J Roycroft says:

    You can thank the Hostess union for bankrupting their company. I’ve never been a fan of unions but this time they have gone too damn far. Those sons of fat bitches(due in part by Twinkies)are putting into jeopardy the one treasure in life that is sacred. Damn them to hell!

    • misfit120 says:

      I agree….(sniff)…..which is why I’m in mourning as I sit here watching TV with my laptop woofing down an entire Table Talk pie. : )

      Click here for my daily blog.

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