Yes, I know, a “Grouse” according to my handy-dandy six million word dictionary is also some sort of a damn ruffled bird. Which I suppose is where the word grouse comes from in the first place. Like when people say to you, “hey, don’t get all of your feathers all ruffled up.”
Today’s blog will appeal especially to Veterans who have to deal with ANY Veterans facility for their health care. So I’m writing this on behalf of any veteran who has had to deal with the stupidity of how the government operates.
First…..a joke to make my point. You’ll totally understand my point, and the reason for this joke after you read this entire blog.
A woman goes into an eye doctor’s office for an examination. The eye doctor, as usual, starts off with the ol eye chart examination.
“Madam, can you see these small letters at the bottom of this chart?”
“Um….nooooo, I can’t see them.”
“OK….let’s go to the next line, can you see them?”
“Um, noooooo, I can’t see them either.”
“OK….let’s skip to the next to the top line where the letters are a bit larger, can you see them!”
“Nooooo, I STILL can’t see them or make them out.”
“Geez….ok…..the very top letters on this chart are the largest letters on the chart, can you see THEM!”
“No doctor, I STILL can’t see them.”
So, completely frustrated with the patient, the doctor unzips his fly, whips out his doo dad and says to the woman…..’CAN YA SEE THIS?”
“OH YES…..she blurted out…..I can see THAT!!!!”
“AH HA….” Sez the doctor. “I thought so, you’re cockeyed.”
Now my point in telling that joke is that I myself have a vision problem. No, I’m NOT cockeyed. But I do have a problem with my eyes. Now I’m not an ophthalmologist but, living inside of my body, I DO know what the problem is. And yes, I have had it checked out and it basically amounts to what they call “fluid retention.” Which basically means that my eyes retain fluid which can’t be resolved by going to a local “Jiffy Lube” and having my eyeballs serviced after 5,000 eyeball blinks.
Soooooo, I haul my butt off to my local VA facility, (52 miles as the crow flies) and tell them my problem.
“Doc…I retain fluid and I need to have this corrected.”
“Hmmmm, have you thought about going to “Jiffy Lube” or to the bathroom more often?”
Which is usually their logic. You know, easy in easy out. Kinda like a drive-thru window type service.
So, they check out my eyes, which always makes me a bit squeamish. (I’m basically a squeamish person when it comes to doctors visits because my theory is that if there is any hole in your body, they’re going to find a way to stick something verrrrry uncomfortable in it) Trust me here…..this is a fact.
So, after all of the poking, prodding, strobe lights in my eyeballs and ungodly stuff they put into your eyes that make you half blind and worse off then when you came in, they conclude that I have fluid retention. And, of course, ask me if I go to the bathroom a lot to alleviate the problem……..only kidding, they really don’t say that, but I bet they think it.
So, I say, “So, can you fix the problem by doing surgery on my lower eye thingys.”
And they say, “Sorry, but we here at the VA consider that to be a cosmetic problem…..see ya.”
The VA does not do cosmetic surgery on veterans unless it is considered a matter of life and death. Like if your nose was falling off when you walked in or you had an arrow sticking out of your head. Stuff like that.
Simple stuff like you’re having trouble seeing anything without your eyes watering, constant headaches and mistaking a squirrel for your cat is not reason enough for the VA to consider cosmetic surgery. Besides, it costs a lot of money for them to even consider such silly surgery.
This is where my “grousing” comes in. Now take into consideration that a local ophthalmologist will charge me $1,800 to fix my eyes. Which of course is not covered by insurance…..because…..it’s considered…..you guessed it…..cosmetic.
Not a great deal of money when you consider that the government will spend the following on notifying a vet that he has an appointment:
This is a math problem, so, if you suck at math, I’ll try to make it easy for you.
Notifications are mailed out to vets about their appointments. Usually two (2) yes, two (2) letters within the same week to tell you that you have an appointment. This costs them 44 cents per letter. Ok, so at 44 cents per letter, lets say they mail out 500 letters a day. That amounts to $220 dollars. Now we take that amount and multiply it by one week of mailing out two letters. That comes to $1,540 for that one week. Sooooo, if you then take that figure and multiply it by one month the total comes to $4,620. IN POSTAGE!!!
So, if all of you veterans who have appointments call the VA this week and cancel your needless appointments they won’t have to send out those (2) letters to each of you guys and with the money they save on postage I can make a case for having my eyes cosmetically fixed. How simple is THAT!
Otherwise I’m going to have to buy a voice activated computer when I write these blogs and it won’t be a very pretty sight when you read them.
Cause I tend to curse and swear a lot when I write so one can only imagine the verrrry graphic words that are gonna be in future blogs.
I rest my case. And my grousing.
Geeeez…..that felt reallllly good.
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Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV