Now look folks. I really tried hard not to write anything about Lindsay Lohan today. Honest. I tried and I tried to resist the temptation to find that “Playboy” cover on the Web and post it here. I really tried. I actually agonized over it for hours. Um, well maybe a few minutes. Then I just couldn’t resist any longer. I succumbed to the temptation. I’m sorry.
It just really ticks me off that you can be a total misfit and make all kinds of money posing naked in “Playboy.” Not that I, if I were a woman, wouldn’t pose for “Playboy” mind you. I mean I have all of the necessary qualifications….other than the fact that I am not a woman. After all, I am a total Misfit as indicated in my “DILLIGARA” header, although I’ve never been in jail as many times as Lindsay.
Except for that one time I got a parking ticket when I was a teenager, called home for help, and my parents told the cops to lock me up in the slammer to teach me a lesson. It DID teach me a lesson, unlike Lindsay. It taught me that my parents had a weird sense of humor. Which is why I joined the Army at 17 to get away from them before they sold me to gypsies or something.
Obviously Lindsay takes lessons from Donald Trump. Keep your name out there and suck up as much publicity as you can, any way you can. Although I do not think I’d want to see Donald Trump naked in a “Playboy” centerfold spread. I think I’m getting a bit nauseous with that thought entering my mind.
So Lindsay now has a pictorial in “Playboy” and millions of her loyal fans will rush out to buy the magazine just to see her naked. Seems to me it might have been a lot more fun to simply take Lindsay out on a date, have a few drinks, and see her naked for real without buying the magazine.
The only problem there is that with Lindsay’s record of getting arrested and winding up in the slammer, you might find yourself in handcuffs as well and in a different cell than Lindsay with some bigggg guy named Bruno who doesn’t have a very good sense of humor. And….while Lindsay gets out on bail you then find out that your parents, spouse or girlfriend also have a weird sense of humor and refuse to bail you out. THEN WHAT?
“Sooooo buddy, what ya in for?”
“Um, I was out drinking with Lindsay Lohan, we really got soused and both of us got naked, ran through the streets yelling, “Occupy L.L. Bean” and then the cops came along and arrested us for indecent exposure.”
“So dats why yer naked?”
“Yeah, ya got a blanket or something?”
“No, but you can share mine if ya like…..heh, heh, heh.”
On second thought it might not be a bad idea for you guys to just go out and grab a copy of “Playboy.”
Personally I have nothing against posing naked. Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown did it for Cosmo. Recently Helen Mirren, in her 60’s also posed naked for a New York magazine. So I guess it’s ok for Lindsay too. In fact, I once posed naked for “Playgirl Magazine” back in the 70’s, but, they never used the photographs.
I suspect that was due to the fact that I wasn’t in the slammer long enough or because I was only a small town disc jockey, or that I hadn’t been arrested enough times, such as Lindsay, to qualify. Perhaps if I take up a life of crime, get arrested for public drunkenness or run for political office those pictures will eventually surface and I’ll become a huge celebrity.
The only problem I foresee with that plan is that, as I’ve said many times before, the only magazine that would be interested in my naked body would be AARP or “The National Geographic.” And, as of yet, AARP doesn’t have centerfolds of old people, even though I have suggested it to them, and “National Geographic” only shows naked natives romping around in places like Borneo and the only centerfolds they have are of giant cavorting herds of animals or rain forests.
Hmmmmmm. Maybe I should give Larry Flint a call.
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