Somebody, anybody! The CIA, FBI, Homeland Security, Rush Limbaugh, Bill Maher, The Muppets, God….ANYBODY!!! Puleeeeese tell me what the hell Iowa is thinking. Recent polls for the Republican Presidential nomination put “The Newt” in double-digit numbers as Iowa’s first choice. What the hell is wrong with these people? Are they all out there in that cornfield from the movie “Field of Dreams” and severely overdosing on corn?
Iowans waaaaaaake up for Gawds sakes. Smell the freakin’ coffee. Smoke some pot. ANYTHING to clear up your minds. Well, maybe not pot but at least oxygen, which apparently many of you people out there are in need of.
Look, I personally do not give a rats behind who wins the nomination because I don’t think ANY President, Republican, Democrat, Tea Potty or Independent is gonna make a damn difference once they’re in office and the ol boy system takes over once again. But freakin’ NEWT!
So why are you so bent all outta shape about Newt Mr. Misfit?
I’ll tell ya why. Remember the old song by Lou Christie, “Two Faces Have I.” Yep, that’s Newt the salamander. The one thing that ticks me off to the high heavens is not only did he screw around on two of his wives, (old news for you Newt supporters, and of course he HAS repented) but that he had the nerve to push for the impeachment of Bill Clinton at the SAME TIME that HE was carrying on an affair. WTF!!!
(NOTE) Why is it we can put Newt up on the ol political pedestal and forgive and forget yet, in Rhode Island, two guys who were once ex-convicts and did their time, rehabilitated themselves, got back into society as hard-working individuals earning a decent and honest living, recently lost their jobs because someone, namely a TV station looking for ratings, said that, “OMG ex-convicts have a job driving a bus,” and all of a sudden (gasp) public outcry. WHAT! Ex convicts can’t be rehabilitated as productive members of society? Yet with “The Newt” it’s like whatever low down slimy things he did never existed. I don’t get it. Maybe these two guys from R.I. should move to Iowa.
(refer to The Providence Journal 12/4 article by reporter Bob Kerr)
No, I do not condone Clinton’s actions, but for cripes sake, can’t you people in Iowa see the trees beyond the forest. Or is it the forest beyond the trees. Never could quite get that one. AND…I’m not EVEN gonna mention the Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac deals Newt was involved in. Oops….I just did…sorry…….actually I’m not.
Are you people in Iowa soooo desperate that the only straw you can grasp at is one that’s been soaking in a can of Dr. Pepper that ya found in a damn trash can. Puleeeeeese!!!
Surely, and I apologize for calling you Shirley, (thanks Leslie Nielson) but surely you could have said to yourselves, “Hey, Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman are kinda squeaky clean, why not one of them?”
But noooooooo. Ya went with the NEWT! Do you all have any clue as to what the hell those political ads are gonna look like when it comes to the actual contest between Newt and Obama if Newt wins? I shudder the thought.
Actually, I won’t be shuddering the thought, or anything else for that matter because Comedy Central and every other comedian is going to have a field day if Newt gets the nomination. And you all know how much I just love writing about comedy. Especially when it’s going to be a piece of cake when it comes to Newt. Might even be the entire cake.
(digging out my book, “The History of A Newt: Why You Should Never Trust A Salamander.”)
Iowa………..today MisfitWisdom bestows upon you the prestigious “Flying Fickle Finger Feather Award” in the category of stupidity.
Myself, Jon Stewart, Steven Colbert, Bill Maher, Lewis Black and all comedians are awaiting the moment of Newt’s anointment so that we all may have an unlimited source of comedy to write about. Thank you from the bottom of our little demented hearts. Bless you all.
God bless you too Tiny Tim.
After all, it IS the Christmas season folks.
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