WTF Is New Hampshire Thinking?

I personally do not give an ol rats behind what the “New Hampshire Union Leader,” the off the wall newspaper of the “Live Free Or Freakin’ Die” crowd up there where the air is kinda thin actually thinks. In fact, I don’t care what ANY newspaper thinks when it comes to endorsing a political candidate.

But NEWT GINGRICH!!!   Geez!

The "NEW" Old Man In The Mountain

To me, it’s like Bozo the clown having his own newspaper, “The Clown Weekly” and endorsing “Carrot Top” for the Republican nomination for President.  Surely New Hampshire you can do better than endorsing the Newt for Gawds sake.

Of course the New Hampshire Union Leader does not speak for all of the people who live in New Hampshire.  And the only reason their endorsements make headlines is because they’ve done it for so long and they tend to have their primaries first in the nation, so they get a lot of attention. Lot of tourism bucks with those primaries too.

But freakin NEWT!!

NEW HAMPSHIRE is THAT the best ya can do?  Cripes.

Anthony Weiner, had he been a Republican, probably would have been a better endorsement, what with his bigggg wiener attracting a lot of attention than Newt, who’s wiener we’ve never actually seen, but has been around the old wiener block a few times.

Plus, ol Newt’s got some serious baggage,  He once shut down the government and forgot to put the cat out, and on top of that he was one of the loudmouths who voted to impeach Bill Clinton while he himself was carrying on an affair for eons.  Does New Hampshire give special dispensation to Republicans, or, is it his cute name, “Newt” which is another name for a salamander, and we all know how hard it is to hold anything against a salamander. They’re sooooo cute.

I don’t get it!

I mean, I know the Republican candidate for the Presidential nomination list isn’t one that you’d bring home to mom and dad if you were going to choose a first date.  They’d both look at you and say, “what, are ya freakin nuts!”

But NEWT!

Fort Gawds sake New Hampshire, you could have played it safe and gone with someone like Ron Paul or Jon Huntsman, both of whom have not taken a ride on the loony train to cartoon land.

But NEWT!

Santorum might as well pack it up and head to a sanitarium to mourn the loss of all of the money he’s blown in his campaign.  Michelle needs to pack it in too and perhaps head off to “Dancing With The Stars” and drag Rick Perry with her. I’m looking at the entertainment value and ratings those two would draw in if they appeared on that show.  Then again, Perry might not remember how to dance after the 2nd step and drop Michelle onto the dance floor at a crucial moment in their routine.

Herman Cain shouldn’t have been endorsed by the paper either because he stands a snowball’s chance in hell, or, to put it in another way, he’d last as long as a piece of pepperoni in an Italian’s mouth eating a Godfather’s Pizza.

But NEWT!!

Mitt Romney, (who names their kid Mitt anyhow) might have been a better choice for the Union Leader newspaper to endorse, but I sense that they didn’t quite care for Mitt, flipped a coin, and chose Newt.  Wrong choice New Hampshire.  As I said, Newt’s got sooooo much baggage he has to hire a second plane when he travels on the campaign trail just to carry them.

Hmmmmm……..

He’s got soooo much baggage he owns his own alligator farm just to make new suitcases.

He’s got soooo much baggage his baggage needs baggage.

He’s got soooo much baggage by the time all of his baggage catches up with him he’s in another town campaigning.

I think I’m on another roll here folks……..

He’s got soooo much baggage he’s thinking of divorcing his current wife (3rd), moving to another country where having more than one wife is legal, and marrying four or five of them so that THEY can carry all of his baggage.

New Hampshire……NEWT!!!   REALLY!!!

I’ve said it once, maybe twice, perhaps even three times, (more if ya count the times I’ve mumbled to myself while watching the debates) that Romney will most likely be the standard-bearer for the Republican party when all of the smoke clears from people burning that issue of the Union Leader newspaper because they’re so pissed off that the paper endorsed Newt.

If I’m wrong, I’ll freely admit it after the election.  If I’m right, I expect an invitation from New Hampshireites to travel to their state (all expenses paid) to view the remains of the Old Man In The Mountain.

Which, if Newt loses, may very well be a likeness of him carved into that stone mountain to remind the New Hampshire Union Leader newspaper, and future visitors to that state, that it’s okay to “live free or die” but don’t be stupid about it while you’re living free……free enough to at least choose a candidate to endorse with a freakin’ brain and no baggage.

Lest you do the “die” part and forever be remembered as having the logic of a piece of granite.

BUT NEWT!!!

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Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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