There are all kinds of phobias out there. You know, fear of things like snakes, spiders, mice the IRS. But the worst of phobias I’ve come across is the, what I call, “Women’s Age Phobia.” Trust me here, this is the worst.
Women’s Age Phobia is when a woman, any women…….actually “ALL” women, who refuse to admit just how old they are. What the hell is with that!
Now men on the other hand don’t give a rat’s behind. They’ll tell anyone their age, unless they’re in a bar attempting to score with a younger babe. Which is completely understandable from a male viewpoint. Why blow your chance with a hot woman simply because you’re twenty years older than her and on Social Security.
But women….that’s another thing. They won’t even reveal their age to anyone. And, if you happen to be with ANY woman, 99% of the time your spouse, if you so much as reveal her age in a conversation you’re dead meat.
I don’t get it.
I did some extensive research on this subject and the bottom line is that women are pissed off that men tend to age more gracefully than women. So, in other words, women perceive that men are much better looking as they age while women are not. Of course men tend to die off sooner than women too. So, so much for aging gracefully.
“Hey Martha, doesn’t Harry look really great laid out in that casket?”
Personally I think the reason men age more gracefully than women is due to the fact that we don’t plaster all that makeup stuff all over our bodies. Stuff like lipstick, mascara, eyebrow liner, rouge, hair coloring and Gawd knows what else. I have no freakin’ idea what half the stuff is in my other half’s portion of our medicine cabinet.
Actually, I have one can of shaving cream, a razor, one stick of deodorant, some smelly stuff to splash on after shaving and my toothpaste and toothbrush. THAT’s IT!!! Her side, which is most of the cabinet, contains stuff that you could make a bomb with.
So it’s completely understandable that without all of that stuff women would tend to show their age more than a man. It’s like this folks. I go out into public every day looking exactly the same day in and day out. Meanwhile, women go out in public looking different each and every time you see them. AND….Gawd forbid you should catch them without makeup.
So, you never can really tell their actual ages with all of that stuff on unless you happen to catch them without it. Which is very rare. Henceforth and forsooth, why they don’t like to reveal their ages.
Now the reason I got on this subject is due to the fact that my other half just celebrated her, (blank) birthday, (can’t reveal that unless I have a death wish) and she was all kinds of depressed for the entire day. Makeup did not help. Nor did the fact that I am two years older than her and will look really great laid out in a casket.
I always get the line: “Now why did ya have to tell him or her my age?”
It’s like I just revealed the Da Vinci Code. Geez….it’s not like I gave out her damn ATM pin number or something. Which most likely wouldn’t bother her at all.
So ya see guys, it’s a no win situation. Yes, we guys will all look great as we age and have no fear of telling anyone our age. With the exception of Alan Greenspan and Larry King, who, at any point in their lives never looked great and when it comes time for them to be laid out, no mortician’s expertise is gonna help them look great.
But women, you just can’t figure them out. Or their ages.
So the Cardinal rule is to NEVER bring up the age issue of your spouse, girlfriend, or mistress if you want to live a long a productive life.
If you do, you will, at some point, increase your chances of being murdered by your spouse, girlfriend or mistress.
The only consolation is that when you’re laid out, boy are you really gonna look great while she’s pretending to mourn her loss and her makeup runs all over the place as she dabs away those fake tears while thinking about how much she’s gonna get from your life insurance policy.
Deceased mens revenge.
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