I’ve been doing a lot of serious thinking lately about having a conversation with God himself. I mean, I know he’s kinda like a very busy guy, but I figure if he can take time to speak to Herman Cain and Rick Perry’s wife, then I should at least give it a shot.
I’ve often thought about talking to God, but I figured he’d never listen to me unless I had an appointment or was in tight with one of his aides. Like those apostle guys. Don’t get me wrong folks, I believe in God and was brought up a good Catholic boy and my parents dragged me off to church every Sunday as well as making me go to confession every Saturday and confess my terrible sins to Father Iglesias Pain.
Going to confession wasn’t really that bad, unless you had a lot of lusting for girls and were into stashing Playboy Magazines under your mattress, which, as a normal teenager, I did, and then had to tell Father Pain all about it, at which point he gave me penance assignments and sent me on my way. In fact, the worse part of going to confession was that you couldn’t eat breakfast prior to receiving communion. I do recall passing out in church one time because I was so hungry and got light-headed.
They really needed to have a cupcake or Twinkie table right at the end of the line after you received communion.
Over the years I kinda drifted away from going to church and confession, so, I have a lot of sins to account for. Talking to God may take some time. I might even have to spend an entire weekend in a confessional. But it might be worth it considering it worked for Herman Cain and Rick Perry. Talking to God that is.
Herman says that God told him to run for President. His recollection of that conversation was, “You got the wrong man Lord. Are you sure?” I guess God replied to him, “Yep, I’m sure Herman, ya gotta run.” My guess anyhow.
Then, Rick Perry’s wife said that she to got a message from God. No, it wasn’t a text message. She said that she felt God was speaking to her about the race, adding that her husband needed to see a “burning bush.” (a biblical reference to God’s first appearance to Moses)
Hmmm, I’m not sure what God actually meant about that bush thing, but perhaps he meant Perry needed to see an actual bush burning or George W. Bush setting himself on fire. Not sure on that one. Anyhow, I guess Perry took his wife’s advice and decided to run. Although he’s never mentioned if he ever saw an actual burning bush or George on fire.
So, both candidates have an association with God and have followed his advice to run for the presidency. Pretty heavy stuff here folks. It’s making me rethink my own association with God. Perhaps I need to try this out and return to my roots. I mean, if God is talking to Cain and Perry, why not me?
No, I’m not thinking of running for any political office, but, as you all know by now, I’m somewhat poor and am having a tough time of making ends meet. As demonstrated in my “I’m Sooooo Broke Blog” the other day.
So, if God is listening to Perry and Cain, and he’s got an open mind, which, as God, you really have to have an open mind considering Cain’s recent problems and Perry’s goofy actions, this must mean that God has cut these guys some slack and might mean that he might cut me some as well. You know, like kinda overlooking the fact that I haven’t been to church in eons.
Does going to church when you’re going to someone’s funeral count? Maybe not……..rats.
Ok, gotta give it a shot.
(dialing up God’s cell phone number)
“Hello, this is the God hotline, how may I help you on this fine heavenly day?”
“Oh hi, this is Misfit, and I was wondering if I could speak to God.”
“Do you have an appointment?”
“Um, no but Herman Cain and Rick Perry have had conversations with God and they didn’t have to make any appointments, so I thought if I just called you might put me through to him.”
“Are you running for President or something?”
“Um no, but all I really need is some help with a winning lottery ticket number because I could really use the cash right now.”
“You want God to give you a winning lottery ticket number?”
“Um, well, maybe a clue or something, or a sign, or something written on a stone tablet.”
“Look, it’s true that God helps out a lot of people, but right now he’s got his hands full with all of those Republican debates going on and everyone wanting to speak to him. Might wanna try again after the elections.”
“After the elections! Geez, I really need help now!”
“I’m sorry sir, but the only suggestion I can give to you is to perhaps consider running for President. Might get you to the top of the God appearance list. He “does” like to make cameo appearances to anyone considering running for President ya know.”
(sigh) “No, I can’t do that. I haven’t been to church and confession in years and my sins have really piled up.”
“SINS!! You have lots of sins! Hold on………………..OK…………….God will speak to you now.”
“HE WILL! What changed his mind?”
“Well, it seems that with all of your sins you happen to fall in the same category as politicians and that automatically gets you a God appearance….good luck my son.”
Geez……and I didn’t even have to see a burning bush, Moses, or go to confession.
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