CRISIS!!!! Time To S.O.S.* Save Our Squirrels

OMG!!! Breaking news. Squirrels are out of acorns.  The banking crisis, the deficit, and corporate greed has taken its toll on squirrels. Um, ok, maybe not the banking crisis and corporate greed, but definitely a deficit….of acorns.

Sniff....H-h-h-elp me folks. This is m-m-my last (sniff) acorn..(.Sob)....(sniff)

It’s apparently been a really bad season for trees that produce the acorn food supply for squirrels.  According to scientists, those guys that study things like the sex lives of the American Fruit Fly, why dogs smell each others butts, and Donald Trump’s hair, have determined that many factors have contributed to the decline in the acorn crop. Namely, lack of acorns.

No, actually it’s attributed to the amount of rainfall, frosts, humidity during Spring flowering, dirty no good rotten insects, fungal diseases and how heavy the acorn production was last year.  I for one can attest to the fact that there were gazillions of acorns on my own trees last year.  I know this from observing squirrels in my own yard attempting to gather acorns and suffering from sheer exhaustion. Not to mention the ones this year that have come knocking at my back door holding a cup and a sign that says, “We are the 1/2 %.”  (ya have to think about that one)

That, and the fact that most squirrels, that I know anyhow, stuff acorns into their squirrel mouths and transport them to their squirrel homes,  which in my squirrel case, is a huge tree in my backyard some 50 feet up.

This is not an easy task considering that if we were to stuff 20 or 30 acorns into our mouths and attempt to climb a tree, we’d most likely either choke to death on an acorn and immediately need CPR. Which may account for the number of squirrels I’ve observed grasping their throats and flopping around in my yard.  Not a pretty sight.

According to an article by Brigitte Ruthman in the “Republican-American,” which I assume is a Republican newspaper or magazine, which, again, I assume, feels that squirrels are mostly Republicans, says that, unlike this year, in 2009 there was such a great abundance of acorns that they were bouncing off cars and people were tripping over them.

I, for one can attest to that fact as well. My trees were sagging from the over abundance of acorns. Walking out my front door I would occasionally get bopped on the head with an acorn and mistook it for someone tapping me on the shoulder which gave me a severe crick in my neck from turning around quickly to see if anyone was there. Damn acorns.

I’ve often wondered how it is that squirrels know exactly where they bury their acorns when I can’t find my stinkin’ car keys on many occasions.  It seems that these little bushy-tailed critters mark their caches with scent glands and know exactly where they buried their acorns.  Which is something I plan on instituting when it comes to locating my car keys…….and the TV remote.

So what to do?  Well obviously the decent thing to do is feed these squirrels lest we find dead squirrel bodies all over the backyard this winter. And we need to start doing this immediately.  I personally have seen cases of severely depressed squirrels taking their own lives on the highways rather than starve to death.  We must act now!

Go to your local Wal-Mart and pick up a few bags of those squirrel corns, haul one each day out to your backyard, and take pride in the fact that you have saved a squirrel from starvation.  You can see by this photo that I personally have done my part to save the squirrel population. (photo below)

The MisfitWisdom squirrel condo complex

Ok, ok, so I went a little overboard with the roof thingy and the water station, but, there may come a day when a squirrel may do me a favor as well.  Although I haven’t a clue as to what a squirrel could do for me.

NUTS!   Wish I could think of something a squirrel could do for all of us.


I GOT IT!!!  Plant more trees.  Yeah. Isn’t that where trees come from in the first place?  From those squirrels who are elderly and forget where they left their nuts from the previous years.

Which I myself have done on occasion. Um, when I was single of course. And had a few drinks, and couldn’t remember where I left my car keys…..oh yeah, and my car.

(DONATE) The PayPal squirrel link is below. If it is not highlighted, copy and paste it into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site where you can donate to help our squirrels. Or, at least MY squirrels, because with every donation I’ll buy a bag of corn, some apple cider for their liquid feeder, (cider keeps them warm and verrrry happy as well as taking their minds off of the acorn shortage)  and keeps me from having to deal with a bunch of depressed squirrels in my yard.

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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