It’s bad enough that a lot of people in the U.S. are all bent outta shape at illegal immigrants crossing the border and not paying a toll. Now there’s another problem. Illegal bugs and plants crossing the border, and they’re not paying any tolls either.
Have ya seen the cost to go from New York to New Jersey and vise versa lately? $8 dollars! EIGHT DOLLARS!!! I can get a hamburger, fries, and a shake at McDonald’s for close to eight dollars. OK, OK, a very small hamburger….geez. But, what the heck do I get crossing the George Washington Bridge? Nothing! Not even a happy meal cross over the stinkin’ bridge toy. Give me something, anything….a replica of the bridge. A photo signed by Mayor Bloomberg. ANYTHING!!
Sorry…got carried away there for a moment. Anyhow, getting back to the border bugs and plants thing. It seems that hundreds of agricultural scientists responsible for stopping these invasive bugs and plants from crossing the border were taken off of that job and assigned to antiterrorism duties. So, the plants and bugs, knowing full well that the borders were no longer adequately protected, slipped in, unnoticed, and without paying a toll.
So what does this all mean folks? It means that now these bugs and plants
reside in the U.S. munching on various crops that our normal bugs and plants would eat. Henceforth, higher prices for groceries, especially produce, which undocumented illegal bugs love. Then there’s the cost of chemicals needed to combat these plants and insects.
Had the Department of Homeland Security initiated toll booths in the first place, all this would never have happened. At least charging these bugs and plants a toll would offset the cost of those chemicals needed to kill the little SOB’s. After they paid their tolls of course. Don’t wanna kill them before we get those bucks ya know.
Meanwhile, terrorists, seizing an opportunity knowing full well that Homeland Security is understaffed and can’t focus their energy on catching these plants and bugs, are sneaking into the country. Some disguised as plants and bugs. Very hard to tell the difference. You know how some plants and bugs look surprisingly like terrorists. Praying Mantis’ for instance….now there’s an ugly bug that I’d sure as hell stop at the border. Venus Fly traps too.
Homeland Security officials have admitted making mistakes and say they are now working to step up agricultural inspections at border crossings, airports, seaports and Hertz Rent-A-Car. There was no mention of Homeland Security checking anyone crossing the George Washington Bridge in New York. Perhaps due to the fact that most bugs and plants do not carry cash on them for those toll booths. Sounds like a logical assumption to me.
Just to be on the safe side, and to give a helping hand to the understaffed people at Homeland Security, you might want to form a neighborhood committee to be on the lookout for strange-looking Mexican speaking bugs and plants. Ok, so the plants don’t actually speak, but if you happen to spot one covered in a brightly covered blanket, ya might wanna alert the authorities. Foreign bugs on the other hand should be easy enough to spot. Coming across the border from Mexico they most likely would still have a craving for Mexican food. So, if you happen to be at a Taco Bell and spot a strange-looking bug, notify the authorities immediately.
Unless it’s a praying mantis. Those bugs are protected, kinda like seagulls are. I have no idea why, but I’m sure it has something to do with Homeland Security. Probably because they eat other bugs, which I find sort of disgusting, but, hey, if it means less bugs, maybe even Mexican border crossing toll evading bugs, I’m all for it.
Now if I could only train a praying mantis to freak out the toll collector on the GW bridge long enough so that I can get through without paying that eight bucks…….
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Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV
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