Horoscopes…Or, As I Refer To Them….”Horrorscopes.”

Astrology is very interesting if you’re an astrologer peering out into the vast expanse of space and spot something interesting.  Providing you have your powerful telescope pointing at the stars and not at your next door neighbors bedroom window. Which is one reason I’ve never taken up astrology because I’d be too tempted to do just that.  Yes….all males are slugs.

Anyhow, I do like reading those astrology predictions in the form of my

Cartoon thnx to: http://www.toonpool.com

daily horoscope which appears in most daily newspapers. In my case one that appears in my local paper by Eugenia Last, who by the way is a very good astrologer…..and cute too.

(that’s call sucking up folks)

But, like those Chinese fortune cookie thingys that give you your fortune along with a losing lottery number, you can’t have much faith in those things.  What the heck does some Chinese person in a fortune cookie factory in China know about what the hell my future is anyhow.

Considering the U.S. owes China a gazillion trillion dollars, I could be wrong. As far as our future is concerned.

So yesterday I read my horoscope, or as I said in my heading, “horrorscope,” and this is what it said:

(Aquarius, which sign is the “water bearer”, which is suitable considering I do go to the bathroom an awful lot)

“Tie up loose ends. You can turn an old idea into a viable source of income. Concentrate on home, family, finances and investing in you and your talents. It’s time to put the pressure on others in order to get what you want.”

Ok, so I took this to heart by dissecting each piece of advice.

“Tie up loose ends.”  Well, I really don’t have any loose end to tie up so that really didn’t apply to me. For my age, my end is still pretty tight and I do have all of my jeans altered so that there isn’t any sagging in the end part. So I’m pretty much covered when it comes to having a loose end.

“Turn an old idea into a viable source of income.”  Been there, done that. Most of my old ideas have already been taken by other people who had the cash to put my idea into fruition and make themselves a lot of money.  For instance, I thought of “Banana Computers” and then the late Steve Jobs came up with “Apple Computers.”  Most recently I came up with the idea of offering DVD movies that people could rent and have them shipped to their home and was going to call the company, “Influx” then some guy came along, stole my idea and called it “Netflix.”  I also came up with a new soft drink idea some years ago and wanted to call it, “6-Up” but again, someone beat me to the punch.

“Concentrate on home, family, finances and investing in you and your talents.”  Yeah right!  First of all my family consists of my other half, five free-loading cats, no investments whatsoever, unless you count a lottery ticket I buy each day, and as far as my talent is concerned, so far that’s got me squat.

The last part of the horoscope says, “It’s time to put pressure on others in order to get what you want.”   Obviously, Eugenia, the person who wrote this horoscope has not been reading my daily blogs otherwise they would have seen the immense pressure I put on my blog readers to donate by placing a “PayPal” donate link at the bottom of every blog. WTF!

How much more pressure, short of hiring a big Italian guy named Giovanni to break a few legs can I do?  (I have considered doing that but then I’d have to pay him for putting out hits on those that do not donate, and, without donations how could I afford to pay him) Kinda like a catch 22 situation.

So ya see, horoscopes don’t hold much water…….only Aquarians do. Which is why there is a market for “Depends.”  Which was another one of my original ideas, but I couldn’t quite figure out a marketable name for them. I think my original idea was to call them “Pee-Pods.”  (sigh)

So, those of you who still believe in horoscopes, good luck.  Me….I’m going to simply rely on my own instincts as to how to face my day, come up with money-making ideas, and choose lottery numbers.

As a famous philosopher and intellectual once said…………..

“Hows that workin’ out for ya.”  (S. Palin)

(DONATE)  Here we go again. The PayPal donate link is below. If it is not highlighted, copy and paste it into your browser and it will take you to the cob web infested MisfitWisdom PayPal site. You might want to do this just to see if the link works considering I’ve taken the time to post this link which no one ever uses.  Oh yeah……if you go there and there’s a big scary looking Italian guy waiting, I suggest you donate……just to be on the safe side.


Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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