For those of you who have somehow managed to pick up a nasty cold bug
and are in the process of attempting to figure out just how in the hell you got it, welcome to the crew. As Bill Clinton once said, “Ah feel your pain.” He may have been talking to Monica Lewinsky at the time….I’m not quite sure. You know how women get upset when they get a stain on their clothes.
Now I can really understand how one comes down with a bad cold. Obviously if you interact with a lot of people, some of whom manage to sneeze just when you’re within germ harvesting distance, chances are you’re going to be germanized within a few days when those suckers find a neat resting place inside of your body and set up shop.
That said, I personally do everything in my power to avoid such people. I have a plan developed by the “CDC,” (Center for Disease Control) that says basically, “become a recluse and never leave home.” Or, simply wear a mask and carry a spray can of disinfectant in a belt holster and spray the hell out of anyone who sneezes next to you including anyone within a 500 square foot radius. Then after doing so, head tor the nearest rest room, immerse your head into a fairly clean toilet and keep flushing until you’re sure you’ve drowned the hell outta any germs which may have survived the disinfectant spray. Then dry yourself off by doing the limbo under one of those electric hand dryer devices.
Somehow, after taking all of those precautions, I still came down with the mother of all colds. I’ve eliminated all of the places I could have possibly picked up any germs and narrowed it down to my other half. Only because she refused to carry a can of spray disinfectant or insert her head into a toilet to be on the save side after someone sneezed near her.
Using my extensive CSI knowledge, (watching CSI programs) I have determined that she is the culprit. The signs are all there. She got the sniffles, which obviously means she only got infected with immature germs, not fully developed, and the fully developed germs she passed on to me during an intimate moment. Most likely when she blew me a kiss goodbye and that one mature germ rode the wave directly to my nose. We Italians have rather large noses so it makes it rather easy for germs to enter and head for the comfort zone in my body, (in Italians it’s in the area protected by my Fruit of the Looms)
Of course ANY woman is going to deny that they were responsible for bringing a germ into the household, and into my Fruit of the Looms. But I’m holding my ground and sticking to my theory.
I’m sure within a few days I’ll be back to normal after pumping myself full of antibiotics, cold pills, soup, sleeping 23 hours a day, and continuing my regimen of flushing my face in the toilet just as an added precaution. I’ve also taken an added precaution of wearing a mask just to be on the safe side. Which my other half says really does a lot to improve my appearance. Hmmmm…..do ya think she’s being sarcastic because I blame her for giving me this cold?
Nah…..must be my imagination. I’ll have to ask her as soon as she unlocks the basement door and lets me come back upstairs.
(DONATE) The PayPal (achoo) donate link is below…(achoo)…if it is not highlighted, copy and (achoo) paste it into your browser and it will take you (achoo) to the PayPal site where you can (achoo) donate to the cause…..which is cause I’m sick and (achoo) donations will make me feel better. Besides, I need more Kleenex.
Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV