Joel Stein a writer for Time Magazine recently wrote a piece entitled, “Hail To The Candidate” (Time 8/15/11) saying that anyone can run for President but only one will have the right theme song. He’s right of course. Campaign theme songs do tend to hype up a crowd at any political rally. You might remember Bill Clinton’s theme song, “Don’t Stop” by Fleetwood Mac. Which I think he may have been humming when he had that encounter with Monica Lewinsky.
Ya have to think about that one.
Anyhow, Joel got me to thinking that perhaps there are some particular songs out there from the old oldies bin that might be suitable for all of the 2012 Presidential candidates running against President Obama. Even Obama might want to consider a theme song as well.
So, I did some extensive research, using the MisfitWisdom extensive research data base, which is a copy of Joel Whitburn’s Top 40 Hits, and came up with the following suggestions for each candidate. Not that any of these songs will guarantee that they might win the nomination, but, from my own perspective, these songs sure do fit each one of them.
(Joel Whitburn and Joel Stein are not related although I do find it kinda strange that they both have the same first name)
Michelle Bachmann: Because Michelle is only 5′ 2″ tall, which is two inches shorter than me, I thought she should capitalize on that and use Randy Newman’s song, “Short People.”
“Short people got no reason to live. They got little hands. Little eyes.
They walk around tellin’ great big lies.
They got little noses, and tiny little teeth.
They wear platform shoes, on their nasty little feet.”
Kinda catchy don’t ya think? She might get the sympathy vote. At least 7 votes from a bunch of short guys who live in a forest.
Ron Paul: Due to the fact that everybody in the media ignored Ron even though he came in second in the Iowa straw poll he might consider using Don and Juan’s song, “What’s Your Name.”
Rick Santorum: One song comes to mind of ol Rick. Little Anthony and the Imperials singing, “I’m on The Outside Looking In.”
Herman Cain: Again, one song comes to mind considering Herman’s chances of securing the nomination. Jefferson Starship’s, “Miracles.” Which is what Herman needs to pull this off.
Rick Perry: Out here on the East coast, which is where this blog originates from, whenever we conjure up thoughts of anyone from Texas we immediate think of Yosemite Sam, loud people toting guns, and things that are bigger than all the rest of us. Perry’s theme song should be, “If I Ruled The World” by Tony Bennett. “Yep podner…we out here in Texass all know what’s good fer the rest of you cowpoke type dudes.”
Mitt Romney: Ah yes…the “Mittster.” Mitt will have a problem shaking off his Massachusetts health care for everybody support. So, he might as well just concede the fact that it will be a campaign anchor around his neck and go with the Bee Gees song, “Massachusetts.”
“Feel like I’m goin’ back to Massachusetts.
Something is telling me I must go home.
And the lights all went out in Massachusetts.
The day I left her standing on her own.”
(scuse me…..(tearing up)….HONK!….ok, I’m alright now)
Newt Gingrich: Hank Williams singing, “Your Cheatin’ Heart” Need I say more?
Jon Huntsman: He’s launched his campaign to challenge Obama even though he once served under the President as the U.S. Ambassador to China having been appointed by the President himself. The perfect theme song for Jon, Whistling Jack Smith’s, “I Was Kaiser Bill’s Batman.” Obama as Kaiser Bill and Jon as Batman. (catchy song if you download it)
Thad McCotter: I still don’t have a freakin’ clue as to who the hell Thad McCotter is. WHAT! Did they dig this guy up from somewhere just to see if he’d get any votes?
Hmmm….ok, he’s a Rep. from Michigan. I still don’t get it. His name might as well be John Doe. Anyhow, his theme song should obviously be the Who’s song, “Who Are You.”
Yes, we can’t leave out the queen of spin, money, celebrity and fingernail screeching over a blackboard voiced Sarah Palin……you betcha. I know she hasn’t declared her candidacy for the Presidential nomination yet…..but….just in case she does….there’s only one obvious song that sums up what she and her candidacy will be all about. Barrett Strong’s song, “Money, That’s What I Want.” (a second runner-up song would be Dire Straits, “Money For Nothing”)
Finally, the President himself. He’s seeking a second term and needs a lot of love and support from the same people who voted for him the last time. Why? Because everybody is not only ticked off at Congress, but blame the President for everything as well. He needs to once again appeal to the masses. Perhaps the best song for Obama would be Jr. Walker and the Allstars singing, “What Does It Take To Win Your Love.”
My guess would be………a bigggggggg set of balls.
So there ya have it voters. Theme songs for all your choices for the Republican nomination and our sitting President. I think, at last report, he wasn’t exactly sitting due to the fact that he was out playing golf on Martha’s Vineyard. I guess he sits a lot when he’s back in D.C. in the White House….hence….sitting president. My guess anyhow.
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Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV