The Iowa Straw Poll. Is It Just A Bunch Of Hay?

My vote in 2012 will be for "NOBODY." Because "NOBODY'S" perfect.

Well, back when I was a mere youngster romping in the ol hayloft was a sure thing and lots of fun.  Nobody disliked anybody and usually if you romped in the hay, it was just you and the girl, or guy you were romping with. Oh yeah, there were various farm animals ya had to put up with, but nothing like what went on in the Iowa straw/hay poll.

Now, being from the East coast I personally do not hold much stock, or livestock, in the final results of that straw poll which declared Michelle Bachmann the winner.

I look at it this way. And my apologies to Iowans….or what ever the heck you call them if there’s a bunch of them hanging around.  I kinda feel that for some reason people in the midwest think a bit differently than we people on the West and East coasts.

I’ve arrived at this conclusion because somehow I can’t picture Mitt Romney or Michelle Bachmann standing on a bale of stacked up hay in New York City, Los Angeles, or Boston.  (might be due to the lack of real actual live animals in any of those cities)

Straw polls to me, are just that. Straw! No realistic person on the face of this planet actually thinks that whoever won the Iowa straw poll is gonna be the candidate in 2012 that the Republicans and or Tea Potty are going to fly with.  Unfortunately Tim Pawlenty might have thought so, but I think he may have bailed out due to his mediocre showing or the fact that he’s allergic to hay.

You can spread all the hay around the ol Midwest farms that you want, but in the end, it’s going to be what takes place in the East and West coast primaries that really count. I suspect, hay in mind, that most of these candidates will be dropping like flies as the months progress.  Might actually be more flies than candidates in the end as there will only be one victor. And I’m not talkin’ about RCA Victor…..who’s not in the running.  Although I do have a deep affection for Nipper the dog.

Here’s who’s in the running at the present time and my observations on their chances: (name of candidate, percentage of votes in the Iowa poll, and my observation, for whatever that’s worth)

Michelle Bachmann: 28.65%  Chances: About as much as winning a kewpie stuffed animal doll every time you throw that ball at the Iowa State Fair. Unless you have enough campaign contributions to pay off the attendant. Can anybody say, “snowballs chance in hell”

Ron Paul: 27.74% Chances: A little less than Bachmann because at his age it might be a bit harder to aim for that kewpie doll unless he too can pay off that same attendant. But, Michelle is much more sexier so I wouldn’t necessarily trust the attendant.

Tim Pawlenty: 13.62% Chances: Zero…he left Iowa with the satisfaction that he at least rang that bell by hitting that pad with the hammer but realized that he pulled a back muscle doing it so he dropped outta the race. Smart move.

Rick Santorum: 9.84%  Chances of wining the Republican nomination 9.83%. Had he been able to hold on to that 1% he might have at least had enough pull to get a free ride on the roller coaster….which actually he’s on, and it’s spiraling downward……verrrrry fast.

Herman Cain: 8.65%  Chances:  About as good as your chances of not getting food poisoning if you leave an open jar of “Cains” mayonnaise out in the sun for a few days and then spreading it on a baloney sandwich and eating it.

Rick Perry: 4.26%  Chances: This is a tough one because Perry just entered the race. BUT……..he may appeal to Texans and Southerners who DO have a lot of straw hanging around and miss George W Bushwhack. (Perry comes across as a reincarnation of GWB) Comedians may vote for Perry due to the great comedic success they had with GWB. He might also get the school teacher vote if he can come up with some new words as GWB did, such as “recordificaton.”

Mitt Romney: 3.37%  Chances: 3.37% and that’s only outside of his former state of Massachusetts, where his percentage of winning there is 1.0%, and that’s only if you count Scott Brown’s vote. The rest are kinda iffy.

Newt Gingrich: 2.2%  Chances: Less than Romney’s, 0.0%. Why?  Because of his past martial revelations and how he came across looking like an insensitive dirt bag.  Comedians, once again, might vote for him due to the fact that they love the name “Newt” and how they could tie it in with actual newts, which are semiaquatic salamanders, none of which, other than Newt, are running for the nomination.

Other: .96%  Chances: Well, “other” was on the Iowa ballot and “other” got that percentage of the vote which leads me to believe that .96 of Iowans thought “other” was another candidate in the straw poll that just didn’t bother to show up, but because they didn’t like the choices they had, thought that, “what the hell, I’ll take a chance on “other” and see how he does.

John Huntsman: .41 Chances: Right now, el zippo because apparently Iowans never heard of John Huntsman, (neither have I) or they have something against anyone named “Huntsman” in an obvious attempt to protect their farm animals from anyone named “Huntsman” who might attempt to hunt animals in Iowa.  Iowans are very attached to their animals.

Thad McCotter: .21% Chances: 0.0% This is due to the fact that no one in Iowa ever heard of Thad with the exception of Thad himself. Thad’s too bad.

So there ya have it folks. The actual percentages that candidates won by and my take on their chances. Again, it’s a long way to Tipperary, wherever that is, and it will be interesting to see who comes out on top… well as the bottom.

As I said in an earlier blog, next years election I am writing in my candidate’s name, which is, “NO ONE” because “NO ONE” is gonna change anything in Washington, so why vote for “Anyone.”  Anyone is not on the ballot, unless you wanna write that name in……………. your choice.

Betcha “NO ONE,” when they tally up the votes in my town actually gets a percentage of the vote.  Take that THAD!

(DONATE) The continuing PayPal donate link is below. If it is not highlighted, copy and paste it into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal donation site, should you care to donate, which so far, no one has cared to donate. Doesn’t ANYBODY care?  Newt, Rick, Mitt, Michelle, Cains Mayonnaise….ANYBODY!! (sniff)

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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