Hello…IRS…Um…I Have A Deficit Problem…..

I began to wonder what would happen if the debt ceiling bill had not passed in Congress yesterday.  Obviously, I for one, who would not receive my monthly pittance Social Security check would be basically, to put it mildly, el-screwdo.

So, being of sound mind and body, well, at least a sound mind, I thought of possibly calling my own creditors, and the IRS to explain to them that if I didn’t get my check, why should they get any checks from me. I don’t owe the IRS anything, but why should they continue to tax me on items I buy if I need every cent I currently have in order to survive.

Seems logical to me.

Take for instance my insurance companies who I allow to deduct their monthly auto, life and homeowners payments directly from my account. Sure, this is all well and good if I get MY check, but if I don’t, then why should they get theirs.  Only fair don’t ya think.

(Insurance representative answers the phone after I’ve been on hold and listening to music for 45 minutes)

“Hello, is this the “WCYMUYD” insurance company?” (We Collect Your Money Until You Die)

“Why yes it is. I see by our records that you’re still alive, so why in the hell are you calling us?”

“Oh yeah, sorry.  I thought I’d be dead by now but I’m still hanging in.”

“So why are you bothering us. You know we have our hands full dealing with actual dead people’s spouses trying to squeeze benefits out of us.”

“Um, yeah, I know, but I have a problem. Ya see, the government might not  send me my monthly Social Security check so I might not be able to make this months life insurance payment. Do ya think you could just let me slide on this month’s payment until debit ceiling crisis is resolved.”

“Sir, suppose you die before the debt ceiling crisis is solved, then what!  We wouldn’t get our payment and could go into default ourselves.”

“Geez, what’s the chance of me dying before the debt ceiling crisis is resolved?”

“Sir, you’re collecting Social Security, on Medicare, and you’re in your sixties. I’d say the chances are  50 50 at best. We need that monthly payment or we might have to file a chapter 11 bankruptcy. Then how would you feel?”

“Oh yeah, I see your point.  So do I have any other options?”

“Well, you could definitely help things out by trying to die, of natural causes of course, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to pay your spouse your insurance benefit money, which, she would need, to send back to us to pay for her own coverage. Kind of like a big circle. We like to refer to it as the merry-go-round syndrome.”

“But how do I die from natural causes?”

“Oh sir, that’s really very simple.  As in the case of many of our insured seniors who call us for information and are put on hold for hours at a time while listening to soothing music, they just die from boredom. Might wanna hang up and give it a try.”

“Great, I’ll give it a try.”

“Sir, just make sure your payment for this month is up to date, otherwise your death insurance policy will not be valid.”

“So if I die and you don’t have my payment my death doesn’t count?”

“Bummer, huh….but I don’t make the rules sir.  Have a nice day.”


I think I’m safe however. The debt ceiling bill was passed…..at least in the House. If the Senate passes it today, I’ll get my Social Security check and still be covered under Medicare, and I can survive for another month. Thank Gawd…..I don’t think I could have endured another 45 minutes on the phone listening to that soothing music.

I’m just glad I don’t have to call all the rest of my creditors and listen to their soothing music too.

Otherwise I’d definitely be dead……..from boredom.

(DONATE)  The PayPal donate link is below. If it is not highlighted, copy and paste it into your browser to go to the PayPal site. You will not be subjected to any soothing music, so the chances of you getting bored while making a donation are nil.


Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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