The other night I happened to pay attention to a commercial for Southwest airlines, which is highly unusual considering I mute most commercials rather than endure the 5 minute or so breaks sponsors inundate us with screaming, begging, pleading and the ever so famous line, “but wait, if you order now you’ll not only get.”
The reason I paid attention to this particular commercial was not only that Southwest was offering $59 air fares to anywhere in the United States,(Alaska and Hawaii excluded because as I said earlier in the week, they are NOT a part of the United States because they are NOT attached to the rest of the 48 other states) was because I noticed a blank area not covered in their ad.
Hey, if Southwest isn’t offering a $59 dollar air fare to Alaska and Hawaii then they must agree with me too. So there!
Anyhow, out of the corner of my eye, or eyes, I happened to notice that all those $59 dollar air fare symbols that the commercial was dotting the United States with failed to dot two states. North and South Dakota. I didn’t really give it much thought immediately until I noticed another commercial for a national lumber company, and, they too did not have any locations in North and South Dakota.
So, I said to myself…..WTF!!
Doesn’t ANYBODY live in North and South Dakota? If there are people in those two states, don’t they fly anywhere or build anything with lumber? Maybe nobody ever leaves those states. Do they actually have any airports? Or perhaps they have so many trees they don’t really need lumber companies. Maybe those two states are overun with termites so lumber companies don’t locate there. What the heck is going on up there anyhow?
So I decided to take a quick look at what the main industries are in both states. Besides termite harvesting.
In North Dakota, (pop 640,000) the main industry, according to Wikipedia, which is the true source for any information other than what the hell is going on in Congress because nobody knows that, is cattle and goldmining. Which may explain why no one ever flies out of North Dakota. This may be due to the fact that because it’s such a remote area of the United States cattle may actually outnumber residents, or because it’s the main industry, and there ARE so many cattle, residents have an intimate relationship with cattle and have no other reason to go anywhere else.
Gold mining of course is yet another reason. I sure as hell wouldn’t want to leave my state if there was gold laying around all over the place either. So, it’s understandable why Southwest Airlines wouldn’t bother to offer those cheap airfares to and from North Dakota. Nobody’s leaving. Besides, they’re probably all busy digging up any runways they have to search for more gold.
Now over in South Dakota, (pop 814,180) which I believe is south of North Dakota, the main industry there is agriculture and tourism. Another very good reason they never leave their state and why Southwest and that lumber company never go there.
I assume this would be due to the fact that because North Dakota has so many cows overrunning the state that they tend to take the excess cows and shuffle them off to South Dakota so they can have more room for new cows. Which is where the agriculture part comes in. Obviously South Dakotians do not have an intimate or emotional attachment to North Dakota cows so they must either eat them, sell them off to people who eat cows, or use them in their next most popular industry which is tourism.
I suspect, because South Dakota may be taking up the excess cows that North Dakota has, that a majority of the population consists of cows. This is where the tourism part must come into play. Many city slickers who have never seen an actual cow obviously know that this is the place to go if you want to actually spend some quality time with a cow, or cows. Because North Dakota has so many cows, there’s actually no room to sit back and get to bond with a cow, which I can understand would udderly frustrate any tourist who flew in to another state then took the long journey by car to North Dakota only to find out that it was too overcrowded.
Realizing this, South Dakotians jumped on the cow promotion bandwagon and tourism has tripled. Especially in South Dakota’s cow flap frisbee tourism shop.
I suspect once word gets out that there’s big bucks to be made in offering cheap airline fares to South Dakota, cow enthusiasats will be pressing Southwest to include that state in their advertisements. Not only that, but there’s a town in South Dakota, (Scenic) that’s for sale for a mere $800,000. You get a dance hall, saloon, two jails, train depot, two stores and some empty buildings. The perfect place to sit back, watch the cows, and, perhaps even watch a deer and an antelope roam where the skies are not cloudy all day.
So, in conclusion, I’m urging Southwest Airlines and that lumber company to reconsider their TV ads and include both Dakotas in their advertisements. Well, at least South Dakota. Those people in North Dakota may be way beyond help what with cows over running the entire state making it virtually impossible for any plane to find a landing spot. Not to mention the cowflap hazards.
If you think all this is stuff that I just made up, watch for that Southwest Airline commercial and you’ll see that they do not fly there.
HEY! All this news is fair and balanced……most of the time…..ok, ok……two percent of the time. Geez.
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