Somewhere out there in Internetosphere a lot of e-mails that I’ve sent are floating around in limbo. Limbo, of course, is that place that people who do not make it to Heaven or Hell wind up. Along with my e-mails.
This of course is due to the fact that neither the powers that be, the Devil or God, can decide where one should go based on their earthly resumes’. Which I can really understand based on the fact that there are a lot of us that are borderline cases. Limbo must sure be a crowded place.
But, at least they can all spend their time reading all of those e-mails that never get read and are deleted by their intended recipients…..many of which are my e-mails.
I have determined this through factual research and scientific analysis. Namely….logic.
For instance. Having written two books and doing so, sent out numerous e-mails with regard to getting some publicity for such books, no one, and I mean NO ONE has EVER responded to any of my e-mails. Locally, nationally, internationally, and throughout the entire universe. This also includes “Yankee Universe,” which I can understand because I am a member of “Red Sox Nation.”
So, I have compiled a list of everyone I have ever sent an e-mail to that did not take the time to respond. They are now on my “ignore” list when I myself discover that I have been relegated to spending time in limbo. I’m of course assuming that they too will be in limbo because I think there is a “limbo clause” that states that if you do not reply to a sincere e-mail you automatically, upon leaving this earth, go directly to limbo. No collecting $200 for passing Hell or Heaven on the way.
Heaven and Hell have their own version of Monopoly.
Those of you whom I’ve sent e-mails to know exactly who you are. Obviously many , if not all of you, think that your own status here on earth is far above those of us lowly peons. But wait. Limbo is just around the corner and when I get there don’t expect any favors from me. Nope. AND….being of Italian heritage, you know that a lot of Italians who were in the Mafia are going to be there too. So guess who’s going to have a lot of limbo pull.
Boy are you people in deep trouble. You won’t even be able to do the limbo in limbo. Or order a decent pizza. So there!
(Chubby Checker by the way, is guaranteed a spot in Heaven just for promoting the limbo)
I’m still sending out those e-mails just so that I can amass a huge list of people who do not respond. When I die, and make it to limbo, I’ve left instructions to have that list stuffed into my suit pocket so that I can present it to those limbo people upon my arrival.
And if I get there before any of you who have never responded to my e-mails, I’m applying for the limbo job assignment department. THEN see where your earthly status get you then bucko.
I definitely know I’ll get that position too because, besides being Italian and having connections in limbo, I’m pretty good at actually dong the limbo, being only 5′ 4″ tall, and practicing the limbo at various subway turnstiles and pay restrooms to avoid paying the fee.
Which are two more reasons that I know I’m going to limbo.
(DONATE) The PayPal donate link is below if you care to donate before you wind up in limbo. If it is not highlighted, copy and paste it into your browser and it will take you directly to the PayPal donate site….passing limbo on the way, and thereby assuring you a guaranteed ticket to Heaven, or….Hell. But, if you should make it to limbo, contributing to MisfitWisdom will give you an edge when I dish out job assignments.
Copyright 2o11 MisfitWisdom RLV