Wanna Know Why There’s A Deficit? Check Out These Inane Govt. Programs

I really hate to keep writing about the damn deficit, but it really gets my goat, whatever getting ones goat means, that there’s all sorts of screaming about cutting Social Security, Medicare, and all other entitlement programs so that the United States can continue to be solvent and continue to dish out money where it’s really needed.

Like: $9.38 million to renovate a century-old train depot in Lancaster County, Pa. that has not been used for three decades.

Hmmmmm……does anybody actually live in Lancaster County, Pa.? Might be a reason nobody’s using that train depot. Oh, yeah, I think Amish live in that area.  Um, but they use little buggies with horses to get around.  They probably think, “we don’t need no stinkin’ train depot.”  So, let’s shove a depot renovation down their respective throats anyhow.

Here’s another one:  $100,000 for socially conscious puppet shows in Minnesota.  WHAT!  Puppets are not socially conscious?  Damn blockheads.

$462,000 to purchase 22 concrete toilets for use in the Mark Twain National Forest in Missouri.  WHAT! (again)   Can’t tourists go to the bathroom in the freakin’ woods?  Bears do!  You know that old saying, “does a bear S**T in the woods?”  The answer is YES…so if it’s good enough for bears, why not for tourists?  Um, I’d better be careful here, the next thing you know some politician will be introducing a bill to provide toilet paper for bears.

$3.4 million to create an underground tunnel, or eco-passage for turtles in Lake Jackson, Florida so that those little guys won’t get crushed by automobiles. Quote from the article: “Why did the turtle cross the road?  To get more stimulus money.”

Hmmmm.  Do ya suppose I could get some stimulus money to help squirrels cross the road in front of my house?  And, perhaps a little extra to buy a good shovel with which to scoop them up when they don’t make it across the road.

$1.5 billion for a Carbon Capturing Contest. HUH?  I have no idea what this entails.  If it’s anything similar to a hot dog eating contest, I think I’ll pass. I’m not to keen on inhaling carbon. Good luck to all contestants anyhow.

$300,000 for a GPS-equipped helicopter to hunt for radioactive rabbit droppings at the Hanford nuclear reservation in Washington state.

“Captain…..I think I’ve spotted some radioactive rabbit droppings down there in the forest.  Better set this chopper down so we can take a closer look.”

“Great spotting work sergeant.  Here, I’m setting us down right where you spotted those droppings.  Go out there and get us some samples.”

“Oops, sorry sir, false alarm.  Just some kids who apparently dropped some M&Ms. But I DID see some rabbits with glowing butts.”

$390,000 for a Suny, (town near Buffalo, N.Y. ) study to discover the effects of young adults who drink malt liquor and smoke marijuana. Anyone drinking anything else I assume would be disqualified. This includes anyone that is not a young adult.  So if you’re over 35, drinking malt liquor and smoking marijuana, you’re pretty much safe from being studied.  Enjoy.

The state of Montana received $ 2.2 million so that they could install skylights in their state-run liquor warehouse.  Lest young adults visiting from Buffalo, N.Y. grab something other than malt liquor to drink while smoking marijuana. Seems like a logical reason to spend $2.2 million dollars.

$1 million dollars given to a Chicago dinner cruise company to combat terrorism.  WHAT!  There are terrorists out there targeting this cruise company?  And how do ya tell if a terrorist is taking a cruise anyhow?  Half of those people on cruises look like terrorists the way they dress.  I mean, wouldn’t you think someone looked suspicious on a cruise if they wore plaid pants and an orange and purple striped shirt?  Which is usually 90% of the passengers.

$2.5 million in stimulus checks sent out to deceased people.

(that’s it, I’m going to the nearest cemetery and see if I can find some uncashed stimulus checks lying around)

And finally, every municipality gets $300 for a sign which says, “This project was paid for by stimulus money.”

So, in conclusion, I’m really beginning to feel a bit stimulated by all of this stimulus money helping to stimulate various cities and towns and organizations that need to be stimulated due to the fact that the deficit has cut into their stimulus activity programs for lack of more stimulus money which surely could be allocated if we only cut into entitlement programs, which, stimulate the needy, who, in reality, do not need stimulation because most of them are near death anyhow, so why waste stimulus money on them when we could stimulate more deserving people and projects…..like……

giving $3 million dollars to Pakistan, who hate our freakin’ United States of America guts, but are willing to overlook their feelings so that they can be stimulated by receiving $3 million bucks.

“Want to see my snake I have here in my basket?”

“Goleeeee, yeah……ah never seen a snake come out of a basket.”

“$3,000,000 bucks please.”

(DONATE) The PayPal link for anyone wishing to stimulate MisfitWisdom is below. If it is not highlighted, copy and paste the link into your browser, which will stimulate the link and take you directly to PayPal where you can then contribute and officially stimulate me into writing more of these stupid stimulating blogs.

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net


So like I used to have to rub my butt on twigs and things after goin' to the bathroom, but now, with stimulus money, I can afford toilet paper. You should apply for stimulus money too to help you buy some really good tasting flys.

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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