I came across a news report today on a list of businesses that are on the doomed list. Which basically means that in a short while you will no longer be able to patronize these places or buy things made by certain businesses.
It’s all a sinister plot by manufacturers to get us to buy things to replace the things that we already have that you either can’t get parts for or don’t work with the newer things that you bought to compliment the older things.
Kinda like going from 78’s to 45’s to 8-tracks, to cassettes, to iPods and then to downloads. You keep buying the same thing over and over again but in a different configuration. Almost like divorcing your present wife and getting a newer model. It’s updated and looks really great.
The article I read named a few businesses that might be getting the deep six. So here’s a few of them.
Newspapers: Speculation is that with all of today’s access to the news on the Internet, who needs a newspaper. Just key in any story on the Web, and presto, it’s there. This leaves those of us who use newspapers for other things other than reading in the lurch. What the hell am I, along with Arthur Treacher’s Fast Food Seafood Restaurant, going to wrap fish in? How are spys going to look inconspicuous while spying if they don’t have a newspaper to hide behind? When you run out of bathroom tissue in the woods, what the hell do ya do if you don’t have a newspaper? Can’t wipe yourself with a damn Kindle or laptop.
Next thing on the doomed list is “Made In The USA” clothing along with textile mills that make those clothes. They’re all overseas now in some dark gloomy dim-lit factory being made by people who probably haven’t a clue as to what the hell they’re making because their all wearing sarongs or loin cloths. Check your clothes closet now and see how many “Made In The USA” labels you can find. Better yet….start collecting those “Made In The USA” labels. Ya never know. Might fetch a decent bid on eBay when they become extinct.
Record stores are also on the doomed list. But most of us already knew that. In fact, I was somewhat surprised that some record stores still do exist…… in Cuba, along with 1949 DeSotos, Plymouths, Studebakers and Nash Ramblers. Those Cubans sure as hell know how to stretch a good thing out. It’s probably the only place where you can get a mint condition copy of Elvis’s “Hound Dog” on a 45 rpm record. Wanna bet! Maybe even Elvis himself.
Video rental stores are on the way out as well. But we already knew that what with on demand TV and Netflix. I personally refuse to give up my videocassettes or VCR with the indicator light still flashing. Nope. I’m holding out for the day when videos on tape return, just like vinyl records. I’m keeping my hula hoop, pet rock, 8-track player, cassettes, and my Timex watch that I bought back in 95 for $9.95 and still works. Unlike my new Stuhrling $200 skeleton watch that stops constantly because it’s on German time. When these old things become popular once again I’m gonna make a fortune.
However, considering I’m waaay over the hill, I may be dead by that time.
Photo shop developing stores are also getting the death sentence. Not really anybody takes their cameras to a photo shop anymore. New technology now allows anyone to make pictures instantly at home. Why bother taking them to a photo shop. This also allows anyone who wants to take naked photos of themselves, or their girlfriends to do their own developing. Lest the guy in the photo shop make copies for himself, pass them out to his friends, and you get strange looks from people when you’re shopping in your local WalMart or grocery store. Kinda like what happened to Antny Weiner.
Finally, the last thing that’s on the list is your home telephone. The one that’s wired. A lot of my friends have dropped their landlines and strictly use cell phones. But, I’m keeping mine. Here’s an example why from a recent telephone call from a friend of mine from his cell to my landline:
“Hey, hi ya (crackle, static,) ….and besides that it’s been….(snorkel, bussxzwes, zap)….and now that you’ve heard that heres’ the real….(xoepi, fuzznit, crackle,) so if ya wanna make a lot of (zapple, crackle, popkalonink) whadday think?”
“Um, Bob, I can’t hear ya, your phone is breaking up.”
“What, it’s not my (zippieu, krankadork,) and perhaps you should check your connection because I (klonger, zappidork, fusgropink) so call me back when ya get your phone fixed.”
I don’t call him anymore and never answer the phone if I see it’s him on my caller Id. At least not until he calls me from a regular phone. Which is highly unlikely considering he’s a Fox news follower and thinks his cell phone is also fair and balanced.
So, those are some of the things that are going to be unavailable soon, if they aren’t already in your area. Think of it in these terms……..when was the last time you actually saw an outdoor phone booth? Or, Superman changing in one? See what I mean.
Well, gotta go folks, duty calls. My other half is watching “The View” on TV and the picture is a bit fuzzy so I have to go up on the roof and adjust the antenna….see ya.
Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV