*Unless you’re a senior citizen…..then forgettaboutit….(Italian slang word)
Yep, it’s come to my attention over the past few years that being a slug, pervert, womanizer and money-grubbing weasel is the way to go if you wanna become famous and appear on all the national TV shows, magazines, newspapers and on the World Wide Web.
Unless you’re Sarah Palin or Bristol Palin, in which case all ya have to do is say stupid things or have unmarried sex and bear a child.
But, just in case you don’t want to go around looking absolutely stupid dressed in red or black leather riding on the back of a motorcycle or in a tour bus, and you’re not to keen about having a child out-of-wedlock just to become famous, there’s always other options available to you.
After all folks, it’s not within our everyday menial budgets to hire a bus to drive up and down the East coast to promote ourselves, nor is it necessarily an option to have a child out-of-wedlock if you’re over 50 or 60.
Besides, who the hell cares if any of us have a child out-of-wedlock at that age. Unless a star rises in the East and three wise men show up bearing gifts. Ya might have a safe bet at stardom then. If not, at least you get to enjoy the free gifts.
The next best option for instant fame and stardom, in my estimation, would be to post naked pictures of yourself on Twitter, Facebook or any other social media site that will eventually be discovered by the media, or some sleazy blogger, (such as yours truly) who would then post those photos all over the Internet. Thereby making not only you famous, but the blogger (namely me) as well.
I have absolutely no shame whatsoever.
Now, the key to this is of course is your marketability. If you work in some sort of “who gives a rat’s ass job,” where no one cares if you’re naked or not, then forget it.
But, if you’re in a high level corporate position, say like the CEO of your town’s car wash, or a greeter at a Wal-Mart, cashier at a Henny Penny, manager of a Dunkin Donuts, or a toll booth attendant, you’ve got a shot.
High visibility is the key here folks. The higher your visibility, the better your chances of making it to the big time with those sleazy sordid naked photographs.
Oh yeah, if you happen to have a few divorces under your belt, been caught with a hooker or two, hold any political position in your town or city, or any position with the ASPCA, or DMV, that’s a plus in your favor.
Anyone belonging to AARP who’s over 50……forget it…..you stand a snowball’s chance in hell of making it if you post any naked photos of you on the Internet.
The only publicity you’re gonna get is your photo taken by a nice officer as they book your butt for being a damn pervert and making anyone who mistakenly clicked on your pictures ill, including animals.
In light of the Antny Weiner bulge/ripped chest/penis photos, it’s obviously quite clear to me that this is the path to fame and fortune. Book deals, constant TV coverage, and the ever popular, “Wanna See My Bulge Tour.” The possibilities are endless.
As I wrote in yesterday’s blog, I’ve always been way too ahead of my time, so, the time to post any of my body parts or father a child, or try to conjure up a good-sized bulge in my Fruit of the Looms has bypassed me.
Not that I can’t conjure up a good-sized bulge mind you, and I don’t need Viagra to accomplish that either, but only due to the fact that that’s the only bulge I can conjure up…..other than my sagging gut, which, on further thought, might actually obscure any good photograph taken of my bulge.
Unless of course there are people out there who are into photographs of sagging guts in Fruit of the Looms.
Hey, if it works for Antny, why not the rest of us?
In conclusion, thank Gawd, (I was getting a bit queasy thinking of old people with sagging guts on Viagra in their under shorts) as in the old saying, “This Is The Dawn Of Aquarius,” this may be the dawn of “Assquarius.” ……what with all sorts of body parts on the astrological horizon.
So…..man up, or woman up, and get those photos out there on social media sites folks.
Might be a good time to invest in BVD or Fruit of the Loom stock too.
Cover your bases………or body parts…….that’s my motto……..
Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV