Yep, I was right when I thought to myself yesterday, “Misfit, I said to myself, do ya think a bag of rocks is smarter than Sarah Palin?” I was right. A bag of rocks is smarter than Sarah Palin.
I base this on the fact that I ventured to Home Depot to buy a bag of those white decorative rocks for my front yard. Upon returning home, I hauled the rocks to my backyard, spread them all out neatly, and not once……not once…..did any of those rocks object to being spread out in the hot sun, nor did any of those rocks make any stupid comments. Kinda smart for a bag of rocks don’t ya think?”
Now being a bag of rocks and not making any comments is the way to go, if you’re a bag of rocks, and not very smart. Because we all know the ol saying, “Gawd, she or he is dumber than a bag of rocks.”
My theory is that if you’re dumber than a bag of rocks, (Sarah Palin) you should just keep your mouth shut and not say anything. Otherwise you give the impression that you are indeed dumber than a bag of rocks. Rocks being the smarter of the two considering they never say anything.
Now, the point of today’s lesson children. Yes….it’s Sarah Palin. Boy are you guys smart.
The “Huffington Post” website posted a series of pictures the other day with teenagers posing over superimposed Sarah Palin quotes. There were eleven of them, but I chose eight of them as being the dumbest. The quotes, not the teenagers. So here we go.
“I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t”
And if they tell me I can’t, I’m taking my ball and jacks home with me and telling my mommy not to share any mooseburgers with the rest of you kids……na na na na na na.
“Up here, (Alaskans) refer to (Todd) as the “first dude” not the first gentlemen. And Todd, he is such a dude.”
Geez….they have dude’s in Alaska!!! Holy crap!!! Oh wait….yes that is correct. I remember seeing such a dude in “North To Alaska” with John Wayne and Fabian. (Fabian being the obvious dude) Which raises an all important question. When the “Golden Boys of Rock,” Frankie Avalon, Bobby Rydell, and Fabian opt to drop Fabian because he really can’t sing, will they replace him with Todd Palin?
“”At that moment, one of my blackberries vibrated me back to work. It was Senator John McCain asking if I wanted to help him change history.”
Hmmm…..first question is why does she have more than one blackberry, why is it set on “vibrate” and where is she keeping the other ones set on vibrate? Second question is, why would McCain ask her if she wanted to help him change history? Oh….wait…..I get it now…..help her change history like she changed the Paul Revere story. THAT’S what McCain meant.
“If God had not wanted us to eat animals, how come he made them out of meat?”
Funny Sarah. Just the other day I heard the same exact thing while visiting a zoo and over hearing two tigers saying, “If God had not wanted us to eat humans, how come he made them out of meat?”
“Refudiate, misunderestimate, I wee weed up. English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it.”
She’s absolutelium correcto mondo. We all need to introduce “gnu” words to our vocalcabularity so that we can appear to be quite infomaramitive instead of appearing as complete assmodiams in front of out fellow brotheriums.
“Of course it’s the legislature, the law-making branch of our third, our three branches of government…..make the laws.”
Hmmm, let’s see, the three branches of government. The legislative, judicial executive, and sex. Oh wait….that’s four branches. Damn!
And finally, in an interview with Katie Couric:
Katie: What newspapers and magazines did you recently read?”
Palin: I’ve read most of them again with a great anticipation for the press, for the media.”
Katie: But which ones specifically?”
“Palin: All of them. Any of them that have been in front of me all these years.”
Obviously most of the newspapers and magazines that have been in front of her for all those years were those that were spread out on her basement floor for her dog to poop on. Otherwise, why else would newspapers and magazines be spread out all over the place. My guess anyhow.
So there ya have it folks. The continuing saga of how to look sexy and beautiful in red and black outfits with trendy glasses while riding a tour bus making a gazillion dollars and at the same time actually coming across as being dumber than a bag of freakin’ rocks.
My old pet rock has more brains than Sarah Palin. It knows enough to keep its mouth shut, never gathers any moss, and would never run for any political office……
If it did, it might get more votes than Palin based on the fact that it never says anything stupid, posts pictures of itself on Twitter, or has sex with other underage rocks.
(NOTE) Palin supporters hacked into the Wickipedia website and changed the facts about Paul Revere’s ride to reflect what Palin said. It has since been corrected. McCain was right…..she’s trying to change history)
Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV