Sarah Palin’s Revised Lessons In History

I’m tellin’ ya, the things you learn by watching Sarah Palin. I never knew you could actually see Russia from her back porch. Or how to skin a fish. Or that she could actually create words, like when George Bush used the word, “recordification.”  Such as when you record something.

Now I’m learning about history as I’ve never learned about it before. For instance, her take on Paul Revere’s ride.  Now you know what she said has gotta be true because she’s well schooled on historic facts, like death panels and thingys.

Just recently she said that Paul Revere’s famous ride was intended to warn both British soldiers and his fellow colonists that the British were coming and that they had better have plenty of food, tea and crumpets on hand. You know how disappointed the British would be if no snacks were available.

Fox News anchor Chris Wallace disagreed with Sarah telling her that, “You realize that you messed up about Paul Revere, don’t you?”

She replied, “I didn’t mess up. Part of his ride was to warn the British that were already there. That, hey, you’re not gonna succeed. You’re not going to take American arms. You are not going to beat our well armed persons, individual, private militia that we have.”

So there you stinkin’ red coats. Take that!

She went on to say, quite eloquently, “He who warned the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms by ringing those bells, and makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.”


Let me see if I understand this correctly. Paul Revere gets on his horsie and rides to warn the colonists that the British were coming.  Ok, then he meets up with some British guys and says, screw you guys, we’re armed and you better not F**K with us because we’ll kick your butts you damn limeys.

All this time still riding his horse and ringing some sort of bells and firing warning shots here and there in total disregard of the fact that the British were told to round-up anyone riding a horse, ringing bells, and firing shots as this might be a clue that such a particular person riding a horse, ringing bells and firing shots might either be nuts or might warn other colonists that something might be amok.

“Private, quick, stop that guy over there shouting stuff, ringing bells and firing shots.”

“Yes sir, but he appears to be kinda harmless and seems to be just having a good ol time whooping it up. Maybe he’s just excited at seeing us.”

“You might be right Private. Stop him anyway and see what he’s up to.”

“Um excuse me sir, would you mind if I ask you a few questions?”

“No, not at all….whats up?”

“Well, we happened to notice that you were shouting and ringing bells and firing shots so, because we’re invading America and want to knock off a few colonists in the process, we really wanted it to be a surprise, and you’re not helping matters any.”

“Oh…sorry…..I just got carried away, what with you guys invading and all. Actually all I’m supposed to do is ride through the countryside and yell, “The British Are Coming, The British Are Coming,” and then take this here lantern and go to the old North Church steeple and wave it around.”

“Oh I see, so why are you ringing bells and shooting off your gun then?”

“Oh yeah, the gun and the bells. That was my own idea.  Thought it would add a little color to my ride, you know. I have a friend whose a writer, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, and he told me that he might write something about me and make me famous after all this was over.  So I thought I’d add a little color to things. Ya never know.”

“Ok, Ok, I get the point, but do you think you could tone it down a bit?”

“Oh, sure, sorry. Oh, by the way, did you guys come here to invade us by land or by sea?”


“Well, when I get to the Old North Church I’m supposed to wave my lantern once if by land and twice if by sea, or was it twice if by land and once if by sea…..damn…..something like that anyhow.”

“Um, we came in by sea but we’re on land now, so I think you had it right the first time.”

“OK, thanks…gotta go.”

“Well Private, what did you find out stopping that guy?”

“Nothing to concern ourselves about Major. Just some nutcase who wants to become famous and wind up with his own damn reality show. I did manage to get a great deal on a set of something called “Revereware” however.”

Historians cite that Revere was riding off as quietly as he could during his famous ride and did not want the Redcoats to know of his mission at all. Him and his horse were most likely tippytoeing.

This leads me to thinkith that Sarah has not done much research on Paul Revere’s ride nor does she own a set of Revereware. Anyone who owns a set of Revereware knows damn well that inside of each set of pots and pans comes a booklet depicting Paul Revere’s ride down the Mass pike. Geesh!

Sarah, please do not open thy mouth regarding historic facts if you wish to be a contender for the Presidency. Stay away from saying things like, Bunker Hill is where the first bunker was manufactured; Lexington and Concord is where the first shots were drunk prior to the conflict; Samuel Adams founded the brewery so named after him; John Hancock founded the first insurance company; and that Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote “The House of Eight Gables.”  (which incidentally he could see Russia from)

There’s a lot of history here in New England, so Sarah has to be verrrry careful when she attempts to show her knowledge in that area.

Try something simple Sarah. Something that won’t make ya look stoopid.

Like being able to recite the alphabet.

Um…..on second thought……better stick to things ya know…like skinning a fish, shooting a moose, riding the rapids, and how to make lots of money………..

Which you could use some of to buy a good set of Reverware.

(UPDATE) Just to show you how far Palin supporters will go to protect their sweetheart,some of them hacked into the Wickipedia web site and changed the information on Paul Revere to reflect what Palin said. Wikipedia got wise to them and restored the correct info. I think a clue to Wikipedia that they were hacked was the one line about Paul Revere that said he later stayed at a Holiday Inn Express after his ride.

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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1 Response to Sarah Palin’s Revised Lessons In History

  1. Tom Santos says:

    Scary isn’t it? And she wants to lead our nation; into what? Listen to Sarah tell the story on NBC or any other venue. The more she lies, the higher her voice goes. At the end she is in top alto.

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