It’s Only June and I’m Already OD’d on Politics, Sex and Banana Splits

I am not a crook, I never was a crook, it's all a crock, this crook stuff and if I were still alive I'd never take one red cent from special interest groups. Dollars maybe, but no cents.

Well, um….maybe not the sex and banana splits. When THAT happens I’m gonna OD on some serious drugs.

I mean, look at it folks. It’s only June and already the politicians are scampering all over the place like a bunch of ants at a freakin’ backyard picnic. And me with no can of RAID. Not that RAID would actually get rid of any of them, the politicians that is.

Some company should come out with an anti politician spray, like Raid, that you can spray all over the place thereby eliminating the possibility of any politician corrupting your innocent little mind.  And the next year and a half is going to be one of the worst political advertising seasons EVER!

Why, you ask?

Good question my little children.  Because, special interest groups are gonna splatter your brain with all kinds of stuff guaranteed to make you so confused that you’ll vote for a damn piece of broccoli if it were running for office.

Personally, I don’t think broccoli would stand a chance however considering most men do not eat broccoli and the first George Bush even disliked it. My kinda guy.

Ya see, the Supreme Court, those 9 men and women who decide what’s best for us stupid people, made a ruling a while back that said that special interest groups do not have to reveal who they are when they support a candidate or cause by contributing gazillions of dollars. In other words, for you who have trouble understanding the English language, they can remain anonymouse.  Like mice in your home that you never see but know they’re hiding behind a wall or something.

So what does this mean?

It means that any one group, corporation or individual can spread all kinds of lies about candidates, legislation, or broccoli and you have the choice of believing what they say, or just ignoring all of it and cast your vote based on listening to both lying ratfink sides, then researching the facts for yourself, and then voting for the broccoli or the banana, which would seem to me, be the most logical choice.

Broccoli and bananas for comparison sake.  You can of course insert your own vegetable or fruit if you wish.

As an example of what groups will do to convince you to vote either way, I’ll take the hot potato, or french fry, from the last election… care.

We’ve all heard the term, “death panels” when it came to convincing people to either support the health care legislation or condemn it.  Those who did not want health care to pass cited that “death panels” would decide the fate of grandpa and grandma.  You could choose to believe that, along with weapons of mass destruction, or have researched it yourself and then made a sane decision.  But, special interest groups pounded the “death panel” scare into gazillions of little minds, and some bought it.

I myself initially bought the death panel theory until I discovered that in actuality it was a new paneling offered by Home Depot in their home furnishings department that featured scenes of vultures perched on trees overlooking the Washington D.C. landscape. I was still in the knotty pine paneling mode, so I opted to pass on that one.

Now you’ve all read that John Edwards (D) is in serious doo doo for allegedly using campaign funds to cover up his affair with a woman that he fathered a child with. You may also remember that Nixon used funds to pull off his Watergate fiasco.  I personally used money my other half gave me for groceries to buy a lottery ticket, but, even though SHE is a special interest, she does not belong to any group, except AARP, as far as I know, and none of this was political.

So, what this all means is that you have to be verrrrry careful this political season and always hear both sides of the story and do your damn research before forming a conclusion.  You can also use Jello molds to form conclusions as well…..much tastier.

Here’s an example of how a special interest group (unidentified) could attempt to sway you in an ad.

Television AD:  “America, the choice is in your hands. Four more years of Obama, or a new beginning with a candidate that was not only born in America, but who’s mother, during childbirth, was travelling in a 1963 Volkswagen and during the moment of birth crossed four state lines, Arizona, Utah, New Mexico and Arizona, thereby having four birth certificates. It’s your decision… wisely for a true American. Guadlahara Americano Chevez….the true American candidate.”

(Yes folks, it’s possible to be born in those four states at the same time providing you splay out your wife at the moment of birth where those four state lines converge and you have her rotating on a swivel device….oh yeah…..carry a few barf bags with ya too)

Let Donald Trump try to figure out that one….heh heh.

So, in conclusion, keep an open mind when you view these special interest ads during the next year and a half leading up to the election.

Don’t necessarily believe everything you hear or read unless it has something to do with Lindsay Lohan being arrested again, Lady Ga Ga having an affair with a pork roast during a concert, Arnold Schwarzenegger being cast in another Terminator movie sponsored by AARP, or Donald Trump’s hair exposed as actually being Scotts Turf Builder.

You heard it here first folks.

And no special interest group paid me to write this stuff.

Although, I CAN be bribed verrrrrry easily. Hint, hint.

Copyright 2011  MisfitWisdom RLV

UPDATE: Flash….FLASH….Weiner’s weiner was Weiners weiner OMG!!! Antny Weiner sez it was his wiener with the bulge and that he was the one who Twittered his wiener. OMG  OMG!! Impeach, censure, resign, tar and feather him. OMG!!! ……………  Um, sorry., I was inadvertently watching Fox news trying to get some news on how the war is going.


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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