Newest “Two & A Half Idiots” Star Kutcher Meets Cast

Lewis Black doing his best Charlie Sheen imitation

What the hell are you lookin’ at you damn hockey puck

First of all, if you’re reading today’s blog, that means that the world did not come to an end at 6pm yesterday. Which means that the guy on Staten Island that spent all that money telling us to repent and run for the hills sure looks stupid.  And broke. It also means I can leave the casino slot machine I was at and go back home.

I just wanted to be someplace that had a relaxing atmosphere when and if the world did come to an end. That and the fact that if the earth did shake violently from an earthquake, I wanted to be at the casino near the $1,000,000 slot machine just in case it shook so violently it may have jarred it into paying off.  Worth a shot as far as I was concerned.

Like I always say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Anyhow, Ashton Kutcher was introduced at a press conference with the other two stars of “Two and a Half Idiots” and he couldn’t have looked more outta place.  THIS is the guy who the network is betting the farm on who will save the show.  My personal opinion, for what that’s worth, is that the network brainiacs are nucking futs.

Look at him. Just look at him folks.  Do ya think he’s going to come across as a perverted woman chasing drunken philanderer?  No way Jose.  Or Jesus….pronounced…..Hey-zues.  Why do they spell it that way anyhow?

I have no idea how they’re going to fit Kutcher into the show. My guess would be, “suicide” for the sit-com if they even try to duplicate Sheen’s character. So what other options do they have.  Let’s think about this for a moment.

(thinking)

Ok….so maybe they’ll say that Kutcher is Allan’s long-lost brother separated at birth, was stolen by a band of migrant gypsies, raised in a carnival, and eventually discovered that he was Allan’s long-lost sibling after an all night session with a Tarot card reader and part-time fortune-teller. Might work.

Or, they could introduce him into the show by saying that Allan’s ex-wife Judith had an affair with Raoul the male housekeeper while Allan was at the office, concealed it from him for all these years, and finally decided to tell him about the lovechild because she wants to run for political office and figured that Allan could take the kid in with no questions asked.

Nah….not believeable, unless your name is Schwarzenegger.

Hmmmmm………

Ok…OK…how about Kutcher enters the show as a travelling down on his luck Fuller Brush salesman. Allen has a thing for brushes, invites Kutcher into his house, sees the many assortments of brushes in the salesman’s case, and, not wanting to share them with anyone, adopts him so that Jake has a new older brother.

Do they still have Fuller Brush salesmen?  Geez….guess that might not work either.

Hey…..how about this.  Charlie actually owned that beachfront place and I’m sure he just wasn’t going to leave it to that freeloading Allan and Jake so there must be some legal thing going on to solve that dilemma.  Like maybe Kutcher comes to repossess the place and Allan convinces him to move in, thereby solving the repossession problem. Then, Kutcher, upon realizing what a complete dysfunctional family he’s gotten himself into, starts drinking, womanizing and swearing and immediately is transformed into Charlie Sheen.

Nah….that won’t work either.  I just can’t imagine Kutcher drinking, womanizing and swearing just as I can’t imagine Lindsay Lohan not taking another drink or getting arrested again.

Ya see, there’s absolutely no chance in hell, as in the proverbial “snowball in hell” scenario that this show is going to make it. Zilch. No way. Zippo. Kaput.

My choice for the type of character to fill Charlie Sheen’s sneakers, or sandals, shorts and tacky shirts would have been, had they been a lot younger, would be a Lewis Black or Don Rickles type guy.

Actually, Don Rickles and Lewis Black are perfect.  The only thing the producers of the show would have to do is make everyone else in the show older.  Jake needs to be 35 or 40, unemployed and continually stupid. Allan, supposedly, to fit in with the older Rickles or Black needs to be in his 50’s and at the early stages of drooling.  Of course Allan’s mother should have bought the ol farm by then and Allan’s ex-wife Judith, (bitch on wheels) should be somewhat older, sagging, and married to her fourth or fifth victim.

That might work. Better than the Kutcher character.

Or……

They could just film the entire episode of “Two and a Half Idiots” at my place.

I have two ex wives, (one actually named Judith…..shudder) swear a lot, I don’t drink but I could start, am not a womanizer but do chase my other half around the house at least two or three times a day.

The only problem would be the 1/2 part….(“Jake”)

Damn…..foiled again!

Unless……unless……I can get my other half pregnant.  But, if that were to happen, a star would suddenly rise in the East and three wise men would be knocking at my door bearing gifts, and I’d get contract to appear on “Amazing Stories.”

Guess that’s not gonna happen….I’m doomed……just like Kutcher as a replacement for Charlie Sheen.

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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1 Response to Newest “Two & A Half Idiots” Star Kutcher Meets Cast

  1. AJ Cooper says:

    Actually, judging by the fact that “Men” kept going for 4 more season after Kutcher replaced Sheen, whereas Sheen’s new show “Anger Management” last for only 2, it would seem you don’t know jack-shit about what TV audiences know. Then again, that’s generally the typical expertise an apparent a couch-potato critic like yourself has (in other words, NO expertise).

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