OMG!!! The Secret Service Has A Twitter Account!

With the recent revelations that the Secret Service is on Twitter, the government lowers the age requirement for new agents that would not be easily identifiable.

My thoughts are, that if you’re supposed to be secret, as in “Secret Service” should you not have a Twitter account. What’s next….Facebook and Sodahead.

I don’t get it.  To me, being secret is not letting people know that you’re around…kinda like being there but secretly. How can ya be secret if everyone knows your secret like in Victoria’s Secret, which isn’t very secret because everyone knows about it. The only thing secret there are the boobs under Victoria’s bras, and every American red-blooded male can actually envision what’s under them, so it’s not really a secret.

But the Secret Service on Twitter!  Geez…..and, they posted a tweet saying they couldn’t stand the “blathering” on Fox News. OMG!!  The Secret Service monitors Fox News. OMG!!   I can see Fox’s promo spots now.

“Fox News…not only fair and balanced but the choice of the Not So Secret Service.”

This can only lead to more things that will make the Secret Service not so much of a secret anymore.  Not that they were in the first place. I mean anyone can spot a Secret Service guy in a crowd with those lapel buttons, dark glasses, neat dark suits and the bulges under their jackets.  And no….they’re not happy to see you if you’re one to question those bulges. Unless you’re in a bar, they’re off duty, and the bulge is a bit lower.

The advertising world might just take advantage of the Secret Service being on Twitter too.  Hey, if you’re gonna expose yourself on Twitter, you might as well make a few bucks on the side as well.

“Capitol One”  “What’s in your wallet….or under your jacket.”

“Gentlemen’s Warehouse”  “For the discriminating Secret Service agent with a bulky Uzi…you’re going to like the way you look…I guarantee it.”

“Viagra”  “The perfect way to divert attention from the bigggg gun under your jacket.”

Then there’s all those reality shows that Secret Service agents could be on.

“Dancing With The Agents”  “American Idol Agent”  “Larry, The Secret Service Agent Guy”  “National Geographic Presents Agents In The Wild”  and my favorite, “Martha Stewart presents, “At Home With A Secret Service Agent.”

There’s just endless possibilities for Secret Service agents now that they’ve got their own Twitter account.  Just imagine the number of friends they can accumulate. Everybody loves Secret Service agents.  Facebook alone would generate all kinds of friends.  Of course most, if not all of the agents would have to forgo photos of themselves on Facebook lest they be identified and then swamped by adoring Secret Service groupies.  You know what a pain in the butt that can be.

Maybe now with the revelation that the Secret Service is on Twitter they won’t tend to be so stand offish anymore and so secretive.  It must be a lonely life having to keep all of those secrets and then secretly walking around places in secret so that no one knows you’re in the Secret Service which, as we all know, is supposed to be a big secret, which is why none of us know who they really are, because most of us can’t keep secrets like the Secret Service does…….unless they happen to be on Twitter, which is no longer a secret.

Hmmmmmm…….do Secret Service guys keep secrets from their spouses  too?

“What’s for supper tonight dear?”

“Um…sorry honey, I can’t tell ya….you know…..national security stuff.”

“Oh….yeah….sorry sweetie, I forgot….so um…..can I at least have a big hug….I haven’t seen you all month.”

(hug, hug, hug, hug)

“Ooooooh honey… ARE happy to see me you little devil.”

“Honey….that’s my Uzi under my jacket…..sorry.”

Well, in conclusion, I personally think it’s time for the Secret Service to rethink their covers.  As I said earlier, everyone knows what they look like. Scrap the heavy overcoats, suits, lapel buttons and dark glasses.  Too easily a giveaway.

Dress like ordinary everyday slug type people and no one will suspect a thing.

As for concealing the biggggg guns……………….

Just keep taking Viagra and stick those guns in your pants. With the amount of people on Viagra today, no one will be the wiser.

Jusssssst be careful if ya have to whip it out…….the gun that is.

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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3 Responses to OMG!!! The Secret Service Has A Twitter Account!

  1. Doc says:

    if that bulge lasts more than four hours, who do they call?

    and here I thought that those “…guys in a crowd with lapel buttons, dark glasses, neat dark suits and the bulges under their jackets…” were “happy” chauffeurs??


  2. nellieou says:

    **sigh** …How many times do people need to be told that “Secret Service” is not SECRET. It just has that name. It wasn’t ever meant to be a spy or CIA type agency. OK? My husband is an agent and doesn’t have to hide what he does. The Twitter account they have is like any other government agency just trying to stay up with the changing technology. It’s a way for people to feel “connected” to their agencies. You can call up the secret service any day of the week and talk to the front desk guy or you can even stop in and talk to someone in person. Look up their address in your local phone book.

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