Knock it off you damn idiots…I’m not talking about your wife or mother-in law.
This is far more serious. You can always live without your wife or mother-in-law. I’m talking about the never-ending debate over plastic bags. Now I can’t live without those. It’s bad enough the government is attempting to get all of us to switch over to those ugly squiggly energy-saving who the hell thought of these light bulbs. But switch from plastic shopping bags to recyclable cloth ones! I thinkith not.
First of all, they want you to fork over five cents for those bags. FIVE CENTS!!! Yeah, I know you get your damn five cents back every time you go through the register at the store, but, it just feels so cheap. I DO have my pride ya know.
J. Justin Wilson, senior research analyst at the “Center for Consumer Freedom,” which is, I guess, a place where consumers who wanna feel free go to, says that this all boils down to legislators and activists reducing the choices of consumers.
Right on Justin, or “J”….I want to be able to be free to make my own choices. Regular light bulbs, (incandescent) and plastic bags.
Hmmmm……..who the heck goes around the house saying, “Dear, can you get me one of those incandescent light bulbs.” It’s a damn light bulb for cripes sake.
J goes on to say that customers don’t like being deprived of their impromptu lunch bags, trash-can liners, and dog-doo containers. In my case, its cat-doo. Hey….in any given week I haul out, with five cats in residence, over 10 to 15 pounds of freakin’ cat doo. This from scooping two huge cat litter boxes, or swimming pools, which they are actually, and then emptying the collection of poop into those plastic bags, then into a giant trash bag (Hefty) and dragging a weeks worth of poop out to the front yard for trash pickup. Try doing that with a recyclable bag you fools. Not at five cents a clip….I don’t think so.
Cat-doo…hmmmm….is that like Catmandu…or (correct spelling) “Katmandu,” as in the Bob Segar song. Have to check on that one.
J goes on to make a point about the health risks connected with those recyclable bags too. Dangerous bacteria and E. coli can collect in them if you fail to wash them after each shopping trip. Do ya have to wash a plastic bag? NO!
Here’s another point in defense of plastic bags. You know those crime shows where the bad guy takes a plastic bag and smothers his victim to death. Well how the hell is any self-respecting perp going to smother his victim with a damn recyclable bag. It just ain’t gonna work.
Just like regular run of the mill Thomas Edison light bulb. Can you picture cartoon characters, when they have an idea in comic strips, having one of those new light bulbs popping up over their heads? How stupid is that!
In conclusion I absolutely refuse to give up my plastic bags, incandescent light bulbs, on the roof TV antenna, rabbit ears, VCR, cassette player, 8-track player, record player, transistor radio, glove box full of paper road maps, hard-wired land line phone, and my giant inflatable doll purchased through the X-rated catalog back in 1972.
Um…well maybe that last one I’d be willing to give up. Some really great new models are now on the market and you can do…um….neverrrrrrr mind.
I’m keeping my plastic bags and if they want them…….they’re going to have to pry them from my cold dead hands.
But be careful if you try……..they might be full of cat poop.
Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV