Osama’s Neighbors Noticed Strange Things

Abbottabad Girl Scout (in drag) attempting to find the door bell.

The annual Easter Egg and land mine hunt at Osama’s place

Over in Abbottabad, Pakistan neighbors of Osama bin Laden noticed for a long time that something was just not right with that house in their neighborhood.

For instance, who the hell puts up barbed wire on their 18 foot high walls just to keep the pigeons off?  Now to me, THAT would arouse suspicion.

And no satellite dishes or telephone wires going to the house WTF!  What they hell were the occupants of that house doing in there. Obviously not watching “Larry The Cable Guy” or “Survivor” on TV.  And no phones….geez…how the heck do ya survive with no phones?  Suppose Publishers Clearing House calls ya because they drew your winning number. Then what! Not to mention that if the Prize Patrol Truck drives up there’s no freakin’  door bell to ring. No wonder the neighbors were concerned.

Then those expensive SUV’s parked in the driveway. Most of the residents in Abbottabad drive expensive donkeys. You know…what with the price of gas these days.

Local real estate agents described the house as a luxury mansion which makes one wonder what the heck Pakistani’s consider luxurious.  If you take into consideration that homeless people living under the Brooklyn Bridge have better accommodations, Osama’s place was not nearly a luxurious mansion.

People describing the house said that the walls were stained, there was mold all over the place and no forsythia bushes.  That’s strange right there. Like I always say, forsythia bushes are like a**holes, everybody has one…..except Osama.  Which may have been a gigantic clue when it came to finding him…..who in their right mind would attempt to look normal without having a forsythia bush in their yard.

One woman in her late 70’s said that one man living in the compound had given her a ride to the market when it was raining and that she was given a bunch of rabbits as a gift. SEE!  Hey, if someone gave me a ride and handed me a bunch of rabbits I’d personally think it was kinda strange.  Unless you have a thing for rabbits, in which case, you’d be overjoyed.

Pakistani girl scouts knocking on Osama’s huge compound doors had a problem as well.  The peppermint patty cookies covered with chocolate began melting due to the rubbish burning within the compound. Not very good for sales, or to earn a merit badge.  And everyone knows you’re not supposed to pollute the air by burning sensitive documents in your yard……… fools.

Then there were the numerous suspicious characters coming in and out of the compound.  One was an Indonesian terror suspect, Umar Patek, who was nabbed in a house in the town following the arrest of an Al-Qaida courier who worked at the post office.  The freakin’ post office!!! No wonder residents were suspicious.  Everyone knows in order to work for the post office you have to take a civil service test, which I myself flunked, and which no damn terrorist is going to pass.

So residents had reasons to be suspicious.  Even I would have been suspicious had I lived next door to that house.  Where I live, if there’s an accident out in front of my house, all the neighbors come running out.  Did anyone ever see Osama come running out if there was an accident between two donkeys, and then call 911. NO!   See what I mean.

So it’s obvious why the United States was able to pinpoint the exact location of Osama bin Laden.  He was a recluse, never watched TV, never bought Girl Scout cookies, burned his trash without a permit or concern for the environment, did not have any telephones, and never came out during an accident.

Verrrrrrry suspicious to me.

So the moral to all of this is.  If you’re a terrorist try to appear normal. Stick a damn welcome mat at your front door. Plant some forsythia bushes all over the place.  A wind chime or two with cute ladybugs on it. Perhaps even a mailbox, nothing obtrusive mind you, but something plain and simple, like, “OBL” on the box.  Or even, “The Qaida Family” in a nice script lettering with flowers or missiles or something.  Kinda normal looking stuff.

Osama just should have taken a tip from ol Misfit here. I could have told him exactly how to make his place normal looking without arousing any suspicion from the neighbors.

Put one of those pink flamingos on your front lawn and no one will ever think anything other than you’re a senior citizen collecting social security and living an enjoyable life in retirement.

I have three of them on my front lawn and no one ever thinks “I’m” suspicious………..

Nuts maybe….but not suspicious.

Copyright 2011 Misfit Wisdom RLV

Header: Chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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