Step Right Up Folks…Royal Wedding Gizmos For Everybody.

The Royal, (urp) me a sec.

Nothing but the best for William's "Crown Jewels." I say, by jove ol boy.

So who’s gonna make a fast buck off of the upcoming Royal Wedding this weekend? I’ll tell ya who…..EVERYBODY!!!!

Yep…anything your little royal throbbing with envy heart could desire will be on sale for you.

Let’s take a look at just what’s out there folks.

Natural Sapphire Company is offering a copy of Kate’s blue ring for a mere $550 dollars and up to as much as $1.5 million.  Surely just a drop in the ol bucket for us commoners…..I know, don’t call you Shirley.

Another great idea, which is sure to be a favorite, (pictured) is the Royal barf bag.  Just in case you get sick of trying to understand what the hell they’re saying using the Queen’s English.  Which is one of the reasons I particularly hate movies with English-speaking actors.  Oh yeah, and that one news reporter for CNN who’s British, has an inordinate amount of teeth, and speaks as if he has a crumpet stuck in one of them.

Then there are, of course, the tea cups embossed with the photos of the loving couple staring at you as you sip your hot brew.  I personally would have found a real good English or perhaps Scottish whiskey stein. Hey, how about those trick drinking glasses, you know, the kind you pour a drink into and the girl on the glass all of a sudden gets naked.  WOW!  Bet that would sell.

There are cut little cuddly teddy bears with “The Royal Wedding” and the Queen’s crown on his little purple jacket with the date of the wedding How cute. I don’t think England has an official mascot, which is most likely why they opted for the teddy bear. Who in their right mind would not like a teddy bear?  Except for actual bears. Those cuddly ones kinda damage their image as rough and tough kinda bears.

Now, for my most favorite of all Royal wedding keepsakes.  Although the urge to use this memento might be a bit tempting, in which case, you’d better buy a whole box of them…jussssst to be on the “safe” side. I’m talking about “The Crown Jewels,” which has a picture of the Royal couple staring at one another. Oh, yeah, “The Crown Jewels” is pack of condoms. Honest!  (pictured)  The wording under the title states, “condoms of distinction.” Below their pictures is the wording, “contains a triumvirate of regal prophylactics.”

Hmmmm……the word “triumvirate” kinda got by me so I looked it up. It means, “A group or coalition of three men who unitedly exercise authority or control.”


This can only mean two things.  There are either three condoms in each pack that you can control by exercising your authority. Or, it takes three men who are in control to get the damn thing on. In either case, if there are three men involved, putting this condom on could be a rather tacky proposition.  Might take all the Queen’s men and all the Queen’s horses.

Wonder if the condom itself has a little crown on top of it? Would be a nice touch if ya ask me.

Hmmmm…..if you buy those condoms, use them, are you then officially knighting your partner? Beats getting knighted by a freakin’ sharp sword. My thought anyhow.

So, there you have it commoners. Some stuff to bring back with you from England if you’re planning to attend the Royal wedding.

For the rest of you, such as myself, too poor to even pay attention, lest fly to England, there’s always the ol home remedy to honor the Royal couple.

Crack open a box of “Royal Pudding,” and offer a toast to the happy couple.

It’s as close to royalty a lot of us will ever get.

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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