I’m Stressed Out!!! Um…WAIT!! Maybe Not….I Don’t Make $117,060 A Year.

BREAKING NEWS: Marcia, you're fired for having a relationship with Ralph, who's sitting there trying to look innocent, while in fact he has two wives and is living under an assumed name, and really is a woman dressed in men's clothes and you are actually an informer for our rival station.

Geez….and I thought I was stressed out only making $12,000 a year. How silly I’ve been. I’ve got it kinda easy, now that I think about it after reading CareerCast.com’s list of some of the most stressful jobs. I’m calling my doc and asking him to cancel my monthly supply of tranquilizers and send the rest to those poor slobs that are REALLY stressed out.

Like the number one stressful job. Commercial Airline Pilot. Now these guys average about $117,060 a year, but, they’re stressed.  I can actually understand their stress what with air traffic controllers napping on the job.

“JFK Tower, this is Southwest flight 808 requesting permission to land on runway 2-A.”

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

“Um, did you say it was ok to land on runway “Z?”

“Zzzzzzzzz snarf….zzzzz….snork…”

“Um, Captain, I don’t think JFK has a runway Z.”

“Dammit, I know that, but I can’t seem to get anyone in the control tower. What the hell are we gonna do?”

“Well sir……there’s always the Hudson River…..worked once before.”

Next in line for stress are Public Relations Executives who scarf down $101,850 a year to advise clients and buyers how to have relations with the public.  This may include relations with White House interns, hookers, and encounters in Washington, D.C. restrooms, which, may account for their stress. The article states that the stress is directly related to their performance, which in many ways, is out of their hands.  I guess, their success, if I’m reading this right, depends on how successful the interns, hookers and restroom buddies “hands” are. My guess anyhow.

Third on this list, Senior Corporate Executives who make on average, $167,280. And, as you know by now, if you read yesterday’s blog on big corporations, the stress these poor executives are under making all of that money and worrying where to spend it can be terrible. Which accounts for the fact that many of these high-ranking executives have to commit themselves to rehabilitation centers in Hawaii, Mexico, Bermuda, and, in worst case scenarios, Atlantic City and Las Vegas. Hey, you all remember poor Howard Hughes don’t ya. Poor SOB.

Getting much lower on the stress list are Photo Journalists. They only make a paltry $43,270, which is hardly enough to keep their car full of gas for those high-speed chases, such as in the case of the late Princess Diana.  All that freakin’ gas wasted, and for what, a stinkin’ picture of a car crash. Let’s hope they’ve learned their lesson and instead of chasing Prince William and Kate Middleton all over the place, simply ask them if they’d mind sending pictures of themselves to their respective news organizations via the Internet. Or, at least post their wedding night romp in the castle on Facebook.

The final stressful job is, Newscaster. $43,270 a year.  Yep…reporting all those late breaking stories like, “Water Main Break,” “Bear Saved From Tree,” “Elm Tree Succumbs To Old Age,” and all those other late breaking stories is enough to make any self-respecting newscaster take the ol gas pipe. There they are out on the front lines never knowing if danger lurks behind the next tree, or fire hydrant. Damn dogs ya know.  If it’s so stressful reporting the news why don’t they simply stay in the studio, call someone who’s out there already, like someone who’s actually involved in an accident or something, and have them give you the details.

But, nooooooooo.  Hey, watch the news, especially local news after they report an accident and tell me what you see.  A reporter standing in the middle of a street pointing to a pole, tree, or watching cars go by showing you a scene of where the accident took place. They could have done a damn drawing or an oil painting or something. No wonder they’re all stressed out.

So, in conclusion, if any of you think you have a stressful job, unless you make over $40,000 a year, quit your damn whining.  Just think about how bad these other poor slobs have it and you’ll feel a lot better.

I, myself, feel 100% better already.  But, I am feeling a bit stressed at the fact that I really don’t have the right to feel stressed because I don’t make enough money to be stressed enough to be stressed out other than feeling stressed that I know in order to actually be in a stressful situation I have to make enough money to justify being stressed, and, only making $12,000 a year, doesn’t qualify me for stressful status.

Can you be poor and be stressed?  (sigh)

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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