I Really Dig Mona Lisa…..Italians Do Too….So Much, That They’re Digging Her Up….OMG!!!

What Leonardo da Vinci's model really looked like. (faketrix.com)

“Hey Guido….whaddya wanna do today?”

“Hmmm….I dunno….letsa see….how abouta we go and digga up Mona Lisa and see if she’s still got that stupid smile on her facea.”

Yep….that’s the latest news from Italy folks.  A project is now underway to exhume the body of what is supposed to be the woman who posed for the famous painting of Mona Lisa by  Leonardo DiCapprio…….um…..WAIT…….I think that’s wrong……(checking)……oh….sorry, it’s actually Leonardo da Vinci.

Art historian Silvano Vincti says he has located the remains of Lisa Gherardini, an Italian noblewoman, and can prove that she was the artist’s model.

This could be conclusive if they dig her up and she still has that smile on her face……my thought anyhow. Personally, I don’t really see a smile on her face looking at the picture.  More like pissed off look if ya ask me.

“Hey Leonardo, for cripes sake, I’ve been sitting her for three freakin’ hours now and hafta go to the bathroom, are you EVER gonna finish this damn painting!!!”

Now sexy, stunning, voluptuous dressed in dull drab clothing Mona Lisa, or whoever she is, died back in 1542 and is interred in a convent in Florence, Italy.

Now, to me, looking again at her face, it’s no wonder she ended up in a convent. I really can’t imagine guys flocking around her to ask her out on a date. Can you?  On top of that, rumors have it that the actual subject for Mona Lisa may have been Leonardo’s young male apprentice and lover. OMG!!!

Hey, I’m just reporting on the facts here folks.

So this tends to muddy up the waters a bit.  Was Mona Lisa a woman?  Was Mona Lisa so distraught from not having any boyfriends she decided to live in a convent?  Was old Lenny, (Leonardo) more attracted to his apprentice than to Mona?  Should they be digging up that apprentice instead?  Did Mona really have to go to the bathroom and that’s why she had that look on her face?

These artists way back then were really a bunch of strange characters if ya ask me.  Weird taste in women too. Think about it.  Leonardo’s painting a woman who could basically pass for a really ugly-looking guy. Michelangelo is hanging from the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel for eons painting pictures while he’s upside down while people are walking under him collecting the change falling out of his pockets. No wonder he was always broke. And Vincent Van Gogh cut off his damn ear shaving.  Um….well that might not be right, but I know he DID cut off his ear.

The excavation of Mona or Lisa or Mona Lisa or Lisa Gherardini is due to take place next month.  CSI Miami and CSI New York have not been invited to participate however.

Given the fact that Mona has been buried for so long, Silvano, that art historian, says that they will examine the bones and use DNA technology to determine if it is indeed Mona and if she was smiling.  Or pissed off.  Geez…..what technology can do today.

In any case, depending on the final results of this venture, one of two things can happen.

They dig up Mona, find out she actually really is “THE” Mona Lisa, and everybody can just relax knowing that the Italian government spent a trillion dollars digging her up just to find out that it was actually her. Sounds like something politicians would allocate funds for here in the U.S. while cutting back on Medicare and Medicaid.

Or…….

They dig up Mona, discover that Mona is really Marty, Leonardo’s young male apprentice, and possible lover, then have to take all those paintings of Mona Lisa down and change the name to “Marty Lisa” or whatever Leonardo’s friend’s name was. Possibly touch up that painting and dress him up in coveralls or something.

The down side to all of this…………..

Someone would have to re-record Nat King Cole’s version of “Mona Lisa” with a disclaimer of “don’t ask, don’t tell.”

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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1 Response to I Really Dig Mona Lisa…..Italians Do Too….So Much, That They’re Digging Her Up….OMG!!!

  1. SVG says:

    People see what they want to see…most people concentrate on “her” smile. But look very closely at the background details, and you can very well see that this was painted in 1925 (verified by carbon-dating, notice the old Model-T on the bridge on the right side of the painting). In addition, on the road to the left, there is a dog elevating his leg on the telegraph pole. Also note that Da Vinci lived to a ripe old age, and this could very well have been his final painting.

    I think she (her real name was Sally Lisa Da Vinci) was smirking because she was pregnant for a few months, hence covering her tummy with both hands. Their son–born in October, 1925–was named Lenny, Jr. who later changed his name to Lenny Bruce, comedic actor discovered by Arthur Godfrey. Sally also later changed her name to Sally Bruce, once she divorced Leonardo.

    He titled the painting “Mona Lisa” because it was painted at night in the moonlight by the local river bank (Mona means “moon” in Italian)–note that there hardly exists any light and color in the background. Also, Da Vinci was going blind in his latter years.

    Upon his death, Andy Williams wrote and sang a beautiful commemorative song entitled “Moon River” which stands as a classic to this day…

    Mooning-ly
    SVG

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