The JFK Assassination Is Back…Steven King’s 11/22/63 Book.

Steven King's new novel, "11-22-63" Here we go again!

The greatest murder mystery of all time is of course the 1963 assassination of President John F. Kennedy in Dallas, Texas. Once again this will be fodder for conspiracy theorists when Steven King releases his latest book, “11-22-63.”

I myself do not consider myself a conspiracy nut, but, having done much research on the events that took place in 1963, I still have my doubts as to what actually happened on that day.  However, I have ruled out any involvement by aliens from outer space. But that’s about it. I could be wrong.

I personally feel that any of us alive today over the age of 50 will never know the complete truth. With that in mind, I have made plans to be reincarnated sometime in the year 2025 when all, if any, of the participants in the assassination have also passed on, and the government feels it’s safe to reveal the entire truth. (snicker)

Oops….I think I just admitted that I don’t believe the government’s conclusion that Lee Harvey Oswald was the lone assassin. How stupid am I.  It’s all cut and dry isn’t it? For every question posed about the assassination over the years, someone always steps forward with a logical answer.  So let’s take a look at a few of my questions, and the logical answers.

The single bullet theory.  This is the theory that one single bullet passed through the Presidents body and that of Governor John Connally riding in the front seat of the limousine, zig zagging as it made it’s way through both men and eventually discovered on the stretcher at Parkland Hospital that Connally had been transported on.  The bullet was completely intact with no apparent damage.

Conspiracy theorists: “Ah Ha…..that couldn’t be the bullet….it’s intact with no damage.”

Logical answer given to us: “Whaddya stupid….that bullet never touched any bone matter as it zig zagged thereby remaining intact.”

Conspiracy theorists: “Oh yeah, what about all those witnesses or people connected to the assassination who died mysterious deaths after the assassination?”

Logical answer: “There’s nothing mysterious about people dying…it happens every single day. Read the damn obituaries you fool.”

Conspiracy theorists: “What about the fact that Oswald was a marksman yet couldn’t hit the side of a barn, lest get off those shots from the sixth floor of the Texas School Depository?”

Logical answer:  “Hey, if you’re a marksman in the Marines then that means you can hit the side of a damn barn you bozo”

(I myself was given a marksman medal while in the service. This medal was given to anyone on the firing range who actually fired a rifle, managed to somehow hit part of the target, or a stray bird near the target. You don’t have to hit the bullseye to get a marksman medal….just anything within a 200 foot radius of the target. I guess they figure if you miss your target while in combat, you might be lucky enough to hit another enemy soldier….which would then count as being a marksman)

Conspiracy theorist:  “What about Jack Ruby’s statement to Chief Justice Earl Warren when he said, “get me out of Texas and bring me to Washington because I want to tell the truth. I can’t tell it here. I may not live tomorrow to give any further testimony. I can’t say it here.”

Logical answer:  “See, you conspiracy nuts are all the same. It’s obvious Ruby just wanted the attention he craved and a trip to Washington at the government’s expense. Damn freeloader.”

Conspiracy theorists: “Oh yeah, well what about Mary Moorman’s photo taken of the grassy knoll that shows what could be an assassin behind the picket fence and all those people who ran towards the fence after hearing the shots and smelled gunsmoke?”

Logical answer:  “Gimmie a break here fella. First of all it’s never been proven conclusively that the photo shows an actual gunman. It’s blurry and taken with a damn Polaroid camera, and you know how crappy those pictures came out. As for all those people who claimed they heard gunshots and smelled smoke, each and every one of them were wrong.  Obviously someone was having a cookout behind that picket fence, which accounts for the smoke, and the noise they heard which resembled gunshots, was actually popcorn being made on some charcoal grills.”

Conspiracy theorists: “What about the police cruiser that pulled up in front of Oswald’s apartment, beeped the horn, waited a few minutes, then left, according to Oswald’s landlady…….what about THAT…huh?”

Logical answer:  “Geez…..you just don’t give up do ya.  Yeah, there was what appeared to be cop’s car that did beep the horn in front of Oswald’s apartment but that’s just a coincidence. More than likely the police cruiser wasn’t actually a police cruiser but a black and white ice cream truck. Oswald’s landlady was an ice cream freak and had very poor vision.”

“But what about the red light on top of the vehicle?”

“Hey…..ya wanna attract attention and get ice cream sales, what better way then with a flashing red light!”

Conspiracy theorists: “The House Select Committee in the 1970’s determined that JFK was probably assassinated as the result of a conspiracy. How do you explain that?”

Logical answer: “Simple. The investigating commission was wrong.  Jim Garrison was wrong. Oliver Stone’s movie was wrong. And all witnesses were wrong, just like anybody who believes in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus are wrong.”

Conspiracy theorists:  “Ok……one final point I’d like to make here. What about that strange photo of those three tramps arrested behind the school book depository. They were all fairly well dressed, nice shiny shoes, and there was never any record of their questioning at police headquarters. Isn’t that kinda strange?”

Logical answer:  “Strange…..hell no.  Obviously these three so-called tramps were recently unemployed, which would account for the fact that their clothes were  still in good shape.  Just because you’re out of work and hanging around some railroad cars just after an assassination and you’re well dressed, does that make you seem suspicious?  And as far as there being no record of their arrest or questioning, why would there be?  Once the police determined that they were simply three guys out for an afternoon walk, there was no need to keep any time-consuming paperwork.”

Conspiracy theorist:  “Ok….I guess you’re right. There was no conspiracy. Lee Harvey Oswald was the lone assassin and shot JFK from the sixth floor of the Texas School Depository with his Mauser rifle.”

“Mauser rifle!!   Where the hell did you get that?  It was an Italian Mannlicher-Carcano for gawd’s sake.”

“Oops…I’m sorry….I was just reading the initial reports that identified the gun as a Mauser.”

“See…..that’s where all of you damn conspiracy theorists get everyone all fired up by spreading mis-information. The word used was “Bowser” during a casual conversation about Sha-Na-Na’s upcoming concert. Get your damn facts straight.”

“Oh…sorry, um…..does that mean Bowser was somehow involved too?”

“Look fella….just give it up. There was no conspiracy. Oswald was the lone assassin. There was no attempt at any time to cover up anything.”

“Ya mean like Watergate, the Iran Contra affair and the Gulf of Tonkin?”

“Yeah…..like those.”

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

(for anyone wishing to research the JFK assassination, MW recommends going to “JFK Lancer” on the internet)

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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