Yep….and I’ll spell it all out for you in case you’re numbers deficient….”two hundred and sixty-three billion dollars” to identify animals.
Now in my lifetime, on various dating episodes with the opposite sex, I “have” been at times, called an animal, on some occasions by my two ex wives as well, but…..I believe I was easily identifiable. So why does the government need all that money to identify what an animal is if I was so easily identified?
Hey, and animal is an animal…four legs, two legs, no legs and crawling. Whatever!
I see a duck walking alongside the road…I say to myself…”hey…that’s a damn duck! I spot a moose or deer, I don’t scratch my damn head and say, “Geez, what the hell is that!” Dead squirrel in the middle of the road……no problem…..I automatically know it’s a dead squirrel…unless of course it’s been flattened a number of times, at which point I might not be able to distinguish its identity, but, I don’t think I’d need $263 billion dollars to eventually determine that it might have been a skunk or a squirrel. Besides, why would I care anyhow? It’s dead! Doesn’t affect me. Won’t ruin my day or anything.
But the government apparently feels differently. I’m assuming they have to know the species of every single animal roaming the earth and they’re willing to fork out taxpayer money to identify each and every one of them at the cost of $263 billion dollars.
Had I known that animals were worth that much to identify I’d have scooped up all of those road kills out in front of my house, shipped them off to the government animal species identification lab (ASIL I assume) and asked for part of that $263 billion just for doing my part to help those guys out in identifying animals.
According to the government’s statistics, 5.4 million of an estimated 6.8 million species have yet to be cataloged. OMG! I see a fortune to be made here. I could be out there right now with my snow shovel scraping up dead animals and doing my patriotic duty. Damn, I’ve got a pickup truck with a big bed that can hold hundreds of dead unidentifiable animals.
Hmmmmm……is collecting dead animals and making a few million bucks off of it considered taxable income? Stinks to me if it is.
Here I was all of this time really deeply concerned about the deficit that many cities and towns, including the government have been concerned about, and never once knew why they were so concerned. Because they’re running out of money to identify animals….all 6.8 million of them.
Folks….they desperately need our help. $263 billion dollars doesn’t go very far in helping to identify all those animals. The price of gas alone to go out there in the woods and meet these animals, take them to lunch, question them as to their heritage and family backgrounds isn’t cheap ya know. Not to mention the cost of hiring animal translators like Dr. Doolittle.
Hey, I personally am willing to give up part of my Social Security and Medicare benefits for the cause. Animal identification is far more important than my basic needs. We’ve all got to bite the bullet and help the government raise another $263 billion dollars. It’s absolutely imperative we contribute right now.
Just think of the consequences if we don’t.
We’ll never know what those 6.8 million animals are if the government doesn’t identify them.
Then, someday you’ll be driving down the road, see one lying dead in the median strip of a highway, and never know what it was. How sad.
But, if you knew, and stopped to look at the dead animal, recognized it due to the government’s efforts, (possibly with a handy-dandy dead animal identification chart) you could then notify the animal’s next of kin, thereby offering some consolation to a grieving animal family who never might have known what happened to their loved one.
It’s a well spent $263 billion dollars as far as I’m concerned.
So stop whining about the damn deficit.
(Scuse me while I go whack myself in the head with a freakin’ hammer)
Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV