Why You’re Forced To Buy STUFF!

Further proof that we're being forced to buy stuff, and that women will soon be obsolete, maybe even "Obama" is this undercover photo depicting new ihumans in Asia.

Stuff!  You know, all that “stuff” you have in your home that you absolutely needed because you couldn’t live without, and also because if you didn’t buy new “stuff” to replace all of your old “stuff” you’d be out of the loop with all of the newer “stuff” coming out that replaces the original “stuff” you bought.  I’m a bit overstuffed here folks.

But all of this is a giant conspiracy.  I’m the only one who’s uncovered this plot to make us buy stuff.  Where the hell is James O’Keefe when ya need him?

Remember when I wrote about going from 78RPM records to 8-tracks, to cassettes, to CDs then to iPods and then to downloading music on your phone or directly to your computer. SEE!  It’s stuff to replace the stuff you already have.

And as far as I’m concerned the old stuff works just as good as the new stuff but the newer stuff just tweaks the old stuff to make it appear that it’s better to have the newer stuff, otherwise you’re labeled as an out of touch nerd because you’re not using the new stuff.  I say, “stuff it!”

For instance. I’m a bit in the stone age when it comes to recording shows. I (sigh) still use an old VCR that has the indicator light flashing. Works fine for me. I actually still record “stuff” on an old cassette player and sometimes physically touch a 45RPM record. OMG!!

I don’t own a “smart” phone because my “dumb” phone works perfectly fine. I can actually say “hello” when answering it and a person on the other end can hear me. So what the hell do I need a smart phone for?  Oh yeah…so I can text while driving 65mph down the Interstate rather than say, “HELLO.” I assume texting is much easier to do while you’re driving. I could be mistaken.

I’m even dumber when it comes to movies.  Now I don’t go to an actual movie theatre because I subscribe to “Netflix.” Why would I pay seven to twelve dollars plus gas and snacks to go to the movies when I can pay less than ten bucks a month to rent as many movies as I can get my bleeding eyeballs to watch in a months time?  This pisses off the movie theatre people and the movie studios, which is why they’re attempting to screw “Netflix” by holding back on releasing them to “Netflix.”  See…it’s a conspiracy to make you go to the movies.

Just like it’s a conspiracy to make you buy all that new stuff. GPS….I have a damn map. Cable TV……well, that will be a thing of the past when the “stuff” people force you to buy HDTV or require you to watch TV on your computer.  SOBs.

Smart phones you can obviously do everything on, which eliminates most of the other stuff you have. If smart phones are so smart why can’t you have sex with them?  Um…..wait…..I think they’re working on that. Something called, “hand app.”

Books are another thing that these conspiracy plotters are working hard to make obsolete.  Download books onto your Kindle or iPad or pod or whatever and no more turning pages or carrying those heavy books around.  So like, how exactly do you get an author to sign a Kindle book anyhow? And when you’re done with that book, how does it make its way to the Goodwill Store discount shelf? And, suppose you wanna have a book burning, what the hell do ya do….burn your Kindle?  Hmmmm……come to think of it, isn’t “kindle” something they use to start a fire?  Might be on to something there folks.

So ya see, everything, and I mean everything, is eventually going to replace all of the stuff you presently own. It’s a conspiracy I tell ya….a conspiracy. More money for the manufacturers each time they make new stuff to replace the old stuff.

The only exception to this is stuff that you’re married to or dating….female stuff. Or in some instances, male stuff, depending on your own personal option. Either way, your choice. No need to admit to which stuff you prefer here.

I personally would NEVER think of replacing my own female regardless of what new technology comes out in an attempt to replace females.

Unless of course those manufacturers of inflatable dolls manage to perfect a female replica that can be programmed to never have a headache, is programmed to only respond to “yes” when asked to do anything, has no use for money, is very well proportioned, and can be programmed to play my entire collection of oldies at the push of a button….located stragically……and also take my phone messages, act as a GPS system, with no bitching, and can record several TV programs at the same time.

Then I’d be very tempted to then replace all of my stuff.

Sorry dear.

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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3 Responses to Why You’re Forced To Buy STUFF!

  1. Doc says:

    By the way, Dick, one CAN have sex with a smart phone…it’s called “sexting,” and it’s all the rage with the teenagers. I’m trying to figure out how to do it with my iPhone video capabilities…but I think I need a bigger iPhone (heh, heh).

    Speaking of “stuffing,” there’s an app on my smart phone for that, too. I just place my smart phone in the bowels of the turkey, and it heats up the turkey…crunchy too.

    Even normal postal mail is going the way of the birds south…there’s a new internet phenomenon that allows one to send a paper mail via the internet, complete with envelope and formal address…the recipient opens it up like regular mail. I forget what it’s called, but it begins with “Z.” I don’t understand it’s purpose, when one can merely send an email, and encrypt it if one wants privacy…or send something via on-line storage like “Drop-Box.” But, hey, I’m not the inventor of these things. Suffice to say that post offices will soon realize that normal post is being erased on the horizon–except for package delivery.

  2. Pingback: On The Lighter Side, A Reprise Of “Stuff” | MisfitWisdom

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