Sorry Newt…. I Just Don’t Get It.

Pssssst! Hey Bohener, who's the cute chick with the cleavage in the front row?

Ok, I freely admit, I don’t get a lot of things.  Sometimes it takes explaining things to me three or four times before I actually get it. Sometimes I need a diagram or a crayon drawing to get the entire picture. On occasion an oil painting. Some things I never get, but figure, what the hell, I probally don’t need to know anyhow.

But….I’m just totally out of the freakin’ loop when it comes to Newt Gingrich.  Yes, I know I’ve written about him before, but the guy just won’t go away. He’s already had his fifteen or more minutes of fame and now he’s once again exploring the possibility of running for President of the United States.

Again….and let me stress this to you who may be Newt supporters….or, supporters of salamanders called newts, which I am not talking about, I DON’T GET IT!  Just had to clarify that just in case there’s a salamander organization out there in blog land that thinks I may be discriminating against salamanders.

“Time Magazine” did a feature article on beloved Newt this past week because he may be the first candidate to throw his hat, or whatever else he wears, into the presidential race. Let’s just hope its not his underwear, which has been around the ol block a few times with various women.

Which is my point. Or somewhat of my point.

First of all, “DILLIGARA” about Newt’s past indescretions? Not really.  I don’t care if he slept or fooled around with as many women as he could get his congressional hands on. I don’t actually care if he, as dispicable as it was, cheated on two of his past wives. Let me repeat that…………I DON’T CARE!!!

What I do care about is one line he was quoted as saying with regard to HIS past descretions and that of former President Bill Clinton, who, I also did not give a rats ass about his past descretions.

Newt’s comparison between himself and Bill Clintion when asked about his past marital affairs was that Clinton perjured himself by lying about his affair. OMG!!  Clinton lied and Newt didn’t?  This is the part I don’t get folks.

Hmmmmm….oh I see, Clinton lied to a jury and Newt never had to go before a jury, so, actually he didn’t have to lie because no one asked him if he was having an affair so therefore he never would have had to say, “no I did not have sex with that…um…those women.”

I get it now!  You can have sex with women if you’re married and as long as you don’t have to go before a jury you can lie about it. You can lie to everybody. Your wife, friends, pals, in confession (he’s now converted to the Catholic religion) and it’s ok….um….as long as you don’t have Ken Starr sniffing out your butt for incriminating evidence to present to a grand jury. In which case, you then would have to tell the truth.


“Did you have sex with that woman while you were married to another woman who was terminally ill?”

“Um, ah…er……well kinda, but lest I remind you fine upstanding jurors that I am not the President, I do not really hold any political office at the present time, and as I said in my latest book that I’ve written, “It’s Okay To Lie To Your Wife About having Sex With Other Woman While You’re Married As Long As You Don’t Lie To A Jury” this entire inquiry is totally irrevelent because that was in the past, this is the present, and all has been forgiven by those that love and cherish me including the almighty waaaaay above………………..besides….all my clothes from that time have been dry cleaned, including any blue suits which may or may not have had stains on them.”

So look at it this way folks.

If you rob a bank…….are caught red handed….arrested, brought to trial, and the judge asks you if you robbed that bank, and you lie about it….you could get life in prison.  However, if you deny ever robbing that bank, and, you have a really good lawyer, like on “Harry’s Law” or “The Defenders” you could get off if you didn’t lie and simply told the truth in the first place.”

“Yes your honor, I did rob that bank, shot the guard in the foot, copped a feel from that cute blond teller, and hightailed it outta there with $50,000 bucks….I’m sorry……sniff.”

“That’s ok… didn’t lie about doing all that so I’m just going to give you 20 hours of community service and expunge any record of this arrest so that if you choose to run for any political office in the future you will be able to.”

So ya see….that’s how I personally look at things.  If Clinton had simply told EVERYONE, including Congress, Newt, Hillary, and all of us here in the United States that he boinked, or somewhat technically boinked Monica, depending on your definination of “boinked” then he wouldn’t have actually lied.  So therefore, no impeachment proceedings would have taken place.  Should’ve had his suit cleaned while he was at it too.

The moral to this entire story is this…….I think………

If you’re married it’s okay to have sex with aother woman as long as you do not lie about it.

Tell everyone about it. Especialluy your spouse. I’m sure she will totally understand, as long as you do not lie.

Follow that golden rule my children and you too will someday be able to explore the possibility of running for Presdient of the United States too.

That is of course if your spouse doesn’t kill you for your honesty first.

I think I get it now.

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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1 Response to Sorry Newt…. I Just Don’t Get It.

  1. Doug says:

    Yep Newt be a pip. But you’ve good to admire his audacity, in suggesting love of country got him laid.


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