Texting Can Be Dangerous To My Health

OMG!!! Marvin. The guy with the morning paper didn't make it.....come on......it's LUNCH!!!!!!

You know….I really can’t understand how anyone in their right mind would want to send text messages while they’re driving.  I wish someone……ANYONE….would explain that to me. Only because I’m trying, at the same time, to figure out how to make it to my local gas station, (a distance of about 2000 feet walking) to pick up my morning paper without being killed by someone texting.

It’s bad enough I live on a busy route with cars whizzing by, trucks exiting from a local incinerator, and various bozos sloshing into the local liquor store for their morning pick me upper.  It’s like running a gauntlet. I’m seriously considering pasting a number on my shirt and competing for a marathon with all of the tactics I use to sprint across the street, fetch the paper, and make it back in one piece without becoming road kill.

Maybe a bullseye might suffice as well.

Let’s look at this texting from my perspective.  I can actually understand texting in the following instances. In a classroom when you’re sending a message to a pal across the room or to that hot babe in the front row. (most guys sit in the back row so as not to be called upon)  Never works that way however.

I can understand texting if you’re someplace where talking is forbidden, or at least subdued, like in a library; in a confessional booth awaiting for your penance; making out with someone you don’t wanna make out with and texting the one you’d rather be with; in a concert where you can’t hear yourself think and your ears are bleeding; and if you’re a spy for “Pepsi Cola” stealing top-secret information like the “Coke” recipe while you’re touring the “Coca-Cola” plant.

But driving!!!  I don’t get it.

I have enough trouble driving a stick shift 5 on the floor Dodge Ram making sure I get into the right gears without worrying about texting. Yeah, I know the shift diagram is on the gear shift knob, but, I’m still one of those people who worries about throwing the gear shift into reverse while I’m doing 60 mph and catapulting myself into oblivion. Just cautious ya know.

So why the hell would I even think about texting while driving?  Wouldn’t a simple, “Hello…this is me…is that you?” suffice. No fingers attempting to find the correct keys with which to type stuff like “LOL” or “OMG” or “WTF” or whatever else .


Besides, saying something like, “WTF” just doesn’t seem to have the same feeling or satisfaction as actually saying it. Kinda like flipping someone off with a written note while you’re driving down the Interstate and someone cuts you off.

“Hey buddy…pull over so I can hand ya this note.”

Anyhow, every morning as I venture out onto my busy street to fetch the paper, I have to keep my eyes peeled for anyone who might be texting, lest they wander into my path and I join the various other animals who didn’t make it during the overnight hours who got run over by someone texting while those animals were eating the previous days roadkill.

They key word here you texters is this………TALK for cripes sake while you’re driving. Use your damn bluetooth or whatever other tooth devices you have and quit texting while you’re driving. It’s costing me a fortune in sprinting sneakers. Besides, I don’t like those big black crows and that one bloodthirsty hawk eyeing me for their next meal if I don’t make it across the road.

I don’t have the texting application on my own personal “dumb” phone because I’ve never found the necessity to text.

Until now.

That would be after some jerk, who’s texting, wanders into my path as I’m fetching the morning paper, catapults me into the air and I land in the nearby woods, mangled and bloody, unable to speak, but, with my last dying effort, text a message to my other half……….

“WTF…..some #@!!!&$# just plowed into me and I’m all F up…..call 911….oh yeah….I didn’t get your paper.”

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Texting Can Be Dangerous To My Health

  1. Doc says:

    Dick, this is Doc…you’re not supposed to read the stick shift lettering while you’re driving. If I spot you, I’ll have to report you to the local authorities…

    and BTW, why don’t you get home delivery of the newspaper to avoid all the sprinting? Are you that cheap?

    • misfit120 says:

      CHEAP!! ME!! Nah……..since I retired, It’s my only opportunity to get outta the damn house. Click here for my daily blog.https://misfit120.wordpress.com

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