“Subway” Claims Word “Footlong” Is Theirs.

Look fella, I don't care what the heck you've got that's a foot long....take your damn five bucks and go down the street to Subway.

WHAT!

I said, Subway is claiming that the word “footlong” is a part of their trademark and should not be used by anyone else in the entire universe when it comes to promoting sandwiches. Which includes Mars, if we ever get there, and another restaurant besides Subway opens up a franchise on that planet.

An Iowa convenience store chain, Casey’s, is asking a federal judge to rule against Subway’s claims saying that “foot long” is a generic word and part of the English language. Therefore, should not be the property of Subway.

I tend to agree with Casey’s.  If a judge were to rule that “foot long” is the sole property of Subway, this could lead to other businesses claiming certain words belong to them as well.  Can you see the ramifications from  of all this?

First of all “foot long” could no longer be used in referring to the size of ANYTHING!!!   Like Porfirio Rubirosa’s well-known attribute, which I wrote about a few weeks ago.  And that wasn’t even a sandwich!  As far as I know.

You wouldn’t be able to walk into a fabric store and order a foot long swatch of cloth without a lawyer from Subway slapping you with a lawsuit.

Not only that, but what about all of the other generic words that various restaurants use.  Like “chicken” in “KFC,” “long” in “Long John Silvers,” “donuts” as in “Dunkin’ Donuts,” “Pizza” as in “Pizza Hit”….um….I meant “Pizza Hut,”…..”Pizza Hit” is when a bunch of Mafia guys knock off a delivery guy from a pizza joint that’s cutting into their business.

Other popular business establishments, such as the ones I just mentioned, including “Taco Bell,” “Dairy Queen,” and “Dominos” also oppose the suit by “Subway.”

Foot long should not be the sole property of “Subway.”  If that’s their thinking, then they should consider the fact that for years….eons maybe, many cities have used the word “subway” when referring to their transit systems. And they don’t even sell foot long sandwiches.  As far as I can determine.

So “Subway,” put that in your foot long sandwiches and just think of what would happen if the entire Untied States subway system, which by the way has more than a “foot long” section of rail tracks, were to sue your butt! So there!!!

My solution to this entire “foot long” problem is very simple. Use a lot of dirty words in your advertisements.  Now we all know that no one wants to be associated with using a dirty foul word.  So therefore, using one of the forbidden words in the title of your business, or sandwich, might guarantee you the sole use of that particular word.

Am I losing you here?

Look, for instance.  Instead of using the word “foot long,” which everyone has the right to use and wants to use, use a word like, “schlong long” which will freak everybody out, but, they’ll get the idea that your sandwich is really bigggggg, and on top of that, NO ONE will ever object if you wanna copyright THAT word.  Cept maybe Porfirio Rubirosa, and he’s long gone, so you’re pretty much safe there “Subway.”

Hey…..it works for “Burger King” with their “whopper.”  Ya don’t hear anyone complaining about that do ya?

And, if you’re a bit squeamish about using off-color words to describe your sandwich or product, how about a little creativeness. Like maybe spelling your product backwards.  Like um…..instad of “Ford” you could call it “Drof.”  So let’s see, “Subway’s gnol toof” sandwich.  See, problem solved!  Who the heck is gonna object to “Subway” copyrighting any sandwich called a “”gnol toof?”

Personally I’d probably patronize the business establishment using the dirty words. It might be kinda fun to walk into a place called “Long John Schlongs” and know that you’re gonna get a very big sandwich and have everybody snicker when you order it.

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to “Subway” Claims Word “Footlong” Is Theirs.

  1. Doc says:

    I didn’t want to bring this up, but I (personally) have been asked to join in Casey’s lawsuit against Subway…I was around longer than Subway, and therefore can lay claim to the word’s usage. Stem’s from the book I authored, called, “Lines in the Sand.”

    Seriously though, I represented a client (automobile franchiser who administered multiple registrations on behalf of fleet owners) in California, who had the letters “DMV” in his business title. California DMV sued, stating that only they could use those letters, and that he was gaining business (making a profit) as against their agency. They added that they had a trademark on those letters!! (I argued that they should sue other states’ DMV agencies, as well, for the same letter usage).

    If Subway hasn’t trademarked the word “footlong” or “foot long”, then all bets are off. I can list a few hot dog franchises (on a foot long pad of paper) who use the same word in their menu…

  2. Doc says:

    Let’s not forget Sonic’s “Footlong Quarter Pound Coney” (hotdog); or Carl Jr.’s “Footlong Cheeseburger;” or KFC’s “Footlong Mondo Sandwich;”

    I could go on and on…therefore I will:

    or Moogy’s 13-inch “Footlong Cheeseburger Sub” (Moogy’s in Boston, who have been around longer than Subway which was created in 1965, in Bridgeport, CT); or Eddie’s “Footlong Hotdogs” in Meadville, PA; or Louie’s “Footlong Hotdogs” since 1961, in Buffalo, NY;

    I’m just sayin….

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