Happy Valentines Day….Which Wasn’t Very Happy For St. Valentine

Being of Italian descent, this is how I always pictured Cupid. Which may account for the number of times I've been married and divorced.

Poor St. Valentine…..here we have a day named after him and all he got to show for it was a date with the executioner. Yep, he was arrested by Roman authorities  because he refused to recognize the Roman Gods.  Claudius II (Claude for short) ordered him to be executed.

Obviously Claude had no girlfriends, otherwise he would have known that years from then, (270AD) Valentine cards would be the big thing and he possibly could have made mucho Roman bucks by opening a Claudius II string of Columnmark greeting card stores. Too bad for him.

Valentine was a cleric back in 270AD and Pope Gelasius, (which the word gelatin comes from…I think) proclaimed February 14th as the day to honor St. Valentine who became a Roman martyr after he was executed.  This of course was done at the urging of the newly formed Hallmark Stone Greeting Card Tablet company.

Greeting cards were not very big back then due to the fact that those stone tablets were very had to carry around. Not to mention the postage involved in mailing one.

Valentine got into trouble with the authorities because he held secret marriage ceremonies for soldiers opposed to that Claudius II guy who had prohibited marriage for young men.  His opposition to marriage was due to the fact that he felt married men were emotionally attached to their families, thus they would not make good soldiers.

Little did he know that actually married men would make better soldiers due to the conflicts between married couples, which many times leads to divorce, hostility, alimony and a lot of hard feelings. How many married people wanna knock off their ex’s. Makes sense to me.

When Valentine was in jail, he became friends with his jailer, Asterius, who had a blind daughter, which, Asterius, thinking that Valentine had some sort of curing power, asked him to restore her sight.  Legend has it that Valentine actually did restore her sight, but that still didn’t prevent him from being executed.

Maybe she realized that Valentine wasn’t that good looking and in order to get out of the relationship after she got her sight back figured, “what the heck, if they execute him I’m outta the deal.”

In a final communication to his beloved one, the daughter of his friend Asterius, Valentine signed the letter, “from your Valentine.” He would most likely have included some of those little candy hearts with messages on them, but again, all they had were those stone tablets, which did not taste very good, and required lots of cash to have them inscribed.  Not to mention, once again, the cost of postage.

In the 1840’s the very first Valentine card was sent, possibly in Rome.

The inscription inside read:

“Roses are red…..violets are blue……..meet me behind the old Colosseum at quarter to two.”

Now this may seem a bit bland, but take into consideration what used to take place behind the old Colosseum at quarter to two in the morning back in old Rome.

You have to use your imagination here folks, but just remember, those old Roman guys with their chariots and all of that other frilly colorful stuff wore tiny little skirts which made it verrrrry easy to do you know what with their Valentines behind the ol Colosseum at quarter to two…..if ya know what I mean.

So, with that in mind…..Happy Valentines’ Day everybody…..now…..I’m off to wish my sweetie my own personal Valentine.

“Roses are red…..violets are blue…….

I’m wearing one of those Roman skirts honey…….

And I’ve got a bigggggg surprise for you….(heh heh)

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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1 Response to Happy Valentines Day….Which Wasn’t Very Happy For St. Valentine

  1. Doc says:

    I can just imagine what you’re big surprise is…

    “Hi honey, wanna mount Vesuvius?”

    “Is that a chocolate sword, or are you just happy to see me?”

    BTW, Claudius should’ve allowed more married men is that many would WANT to leave to go to war…perhaps to the front lines…

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