NOW…Misfit Wisdom’s Taxes That Make Sense

How the government gets my taxes out of me every year.

Earlier this week I wrote about states that have some really stupid taxes and tax exemptions.  That got me thinking.  Which is somewhat of an effort. I try not to think much, because then I get depressed from thinking about things too much……like taxes.

So anyhow, I said to myself, “Misfit….shouldn’t there be taxes on things that deserved to be taxed?”

And of course, I answered myself…”Yes.”

So, I compiled a list of things that I thought none of us red blooded American loyal tax payers would object to paying taxes on.

They are:

“Snotaphobia Gross Out Tax.”   This would be levied on any sports figure, especially a baseball player during a nationally televised game who, due to a lack of facial tissue, holds his thumb up to his nose and blows it.

“Bounceacleavage Tax.”  Any woman with an over abundance of cleavage wearing a low-cut top who is running or jogging. This tax would be used to fund the injuries which occur while men, oogling such women, run into various trees and stationary objects.

“Farticus Tax.”  Any individual breaking wind in a public eating establishment will be taxed accordingly with respect to the price paid for a meal which had to be discarded by other patrons losing their appetites from the farticus effect.

“Wait Wait Tax.”  Taxes shall be levied on any person, (mostly women) who, while at a cash register, waste valuable time digging into their purses to find the exact correct change to give to the clerk. Taxes shall be doubled if pennies are involved in the transaction.

“Frequentfatfliertax”  Any individual whose love handles overlap a seat on an airline thereby prohibiting the person in the adjoining seat from using one of the armrests or having the ability to scratch an itch.

“Audubon Tax”  Anyone who constantly feeds our fine feathered friends during the winter months should be allowed to claim that expense on their taxes under the “dependent” deduction section.  HEY!!  They’re dependent on us aren’t they!  Henceforth and forstooth…DEPENDENTS!

“Spouse Headache Tax”  Men should be able to claim an exemption under the “energy” clause of their tax forms.  If you save energy, I believe you can claim a deduction. So, if your spouse has a headache when you want to mess around, “shazam!” you’ve automatically saved energy.  (tax form doesn’t say what kind of energy you have to save does it)

(I know, I know, some of you are going to counter with the fact that energy has to be applied to devices within the home that actually are energy-saving devices . OH YEAH!!  Well what about those battery devices…..and you KNOW what I’m talking about….so there!)

You probably think all of these ideas are really stupid. Lest I remind you of the “deer carcass” exemption in South Carolina in my post a few days ago. My theory……nothing ventured…….nothing gained.

This year when I file my taxes, I’m claiming each and every one of those exemptions I listed.  What’s the most those damn IRS auditors can do? HAH!  Audit me? I dare em….go ahead Feds…pin some rap on me!

Notation:  As of April 15th, the MisfitWisdom blog will be published from an undisclosed location in the South Pacific.

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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