Government Worries About Milk Spills…WTF!!!

(sigh) .....All this spilled milk and no Oreos.

OMG!!  Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse after the 24 hour 7 day a week news reports on the BP oil spill, we have another major concern….MILK SPILLS!

Utterly facinating folks.

Yes! MILK!……. RUN!!!………..  HIDE!!!………. SAVE THE BIRDS!!!….  STAY AWAY FROM COWS!!!!

Um….wait a second here.  Who’s saying all this?

Oh…yeah…it’s the Environmental Protection Agency. You know, those folks in Washington that protect things, specifically the environment, which we all know constantly needs protection.

It seems that milk, according to the EPA, contains a high percentage of animal fat which worries the EPA when it comes to spilled milk.  You notice that there are a lot of very fat animals out there don’t ya. But the fact that there may be an over abundance of fat animals out there isn’t the concern of the EPA. Nope, it’s the fact that milk, says the EPA, is a non-petroleum oil and should fall under the “SPCC” program.

“SPCC” stands for their program called, “Spill Prevention Control and Countermeasure” which was created in 1970 to prevent oil discharges. I’m assuming that their initials “SPCC” was a spinoff from the “SPCA” which monitored dog and cat spills in various animal shelters.

So now the EPA requires that farms, as well as places that make cheese, butter, yogurt and ice cream “be prepared and implement an emergency management plan in the event of a milk catastrophe.”

Like WHAT!!

Keep a gazillion stray cats on the payroll in the event of a giant milk spill of catastrophic proportions so that they can immediately spring into action if so much as one drop of milk spills on the ground?

Hey, if it keeps those cats outta the pound and earning a respectable living for themselves on a farm, I’m all for it. Might even get my own five cats a damn job and make em earn their keep. Do you have any idea how much it cost to support five cats?

For those of you who think I’m making this stuff up…..I’m not.  As  your guardian of stupid news and politically correct dumbness I’m simply doing my duty to inform you as to how the government is spending your tax dollar. And being the patriotic slugs that we all are, I’m sure we’re all in agreement that milk spills should be waaaaay up there on the EPA’s list.

The article also mentioned that we should be concerned with other spills as well.  And I wholeheartedly agree.

Spills at breweries, maple syrup tree spills, vegetable spills, and spills that you take when you slip on ice.  Nothing worse than a drunk who’s slipped on something, falls to the pavement, and contaminates the entire block. Where the heck is the EPA when ya need em then?

They need a new countermeasure program called, “HIFAICGU,” which obviously stands for “Help I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up.” Right now this program only applies to seniors, but should be expanded by the EPA to cover drunks who have fallen outside of a bar.

I totally support this effort and this new program by the EPA.

If it means my cats have an opportunity to earn a decent income as milk spill environment cleanup technicians, as well as bringing some extra cash into my household, I’m all for it.

Did I ever tell ya about the cow that jumped over a barbed wire fence……..

Utterly destructive.

Sorry.  Couldn’t help myself.

Copyright 2011 MisftiWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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1 Response to Government Worries About Milk Spills…WTF!!!

  1. Doc says:

    Dick, this is Doc.

    You were udderly profound today…You milked this story to the nth degree–no bull. You sound a bit moody, though. Maybe farmers ought to have their cows lie on the ground to prevent spills–ya’ know, ground beef?

    So, now I suspect the EPA will want some sort of containment vessel at the point of milking a cow…which might then divert the spilt milk (along with all the other floor contaminants) into a tank…thus, to guarantee the cleanliness of this contained milk, farmers (excuse me, “agribusiness,” since only THEY have the financial means) will have to significantly pasteurize the resulting “fresh” milk. The costs of all this new equipment will ultimately be borne by WHOM?? You guessed it, you and I–the end consumer.

    Thanks again, EPA…

    Sounds like a jobs program for agri-business. How about reinstating the permitting process for oil drilling so we’re not dependent on foreign oil.

    Maybe I will introduce the EPA to my new gray-water system…my waste laundry water is now used to enhance my toilet functions and water my lawn.

    See what you started Dick…?

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