The Truth About Punxsutawney Phil

I can feel it in my bones. Any second now those guys with top hats and tuxedos are gonna be annoying the hell outta me.

It’s about time we knew the complete truth about that stupid groundhog who comes out every year on February 2nd and predicts whether we will have an early Spring or a long Winter.

Let it be known that Phil actually doesn’t see anything, except a bunch of guys dressed in hats and tuxedos trampling around in the cold while holding him up for photo ops. All that groundhog wants to do is get back to his warm cozy nest and be done with it.

It’s this way folks.  Fourteen members of an inner circle, kinda like the “Skull and Bones” secret society actually decide weeks earlier what the heck Phil is going to say.  Like speechwriters for politicians.  Cept Phil isn’t running for any office.

So, that said, to me, this is a scam of the greatest proportions. Blame it on the innocent groundhog is their motto.  That’s what it’s all about. That way all those television meteorologists can blame him and they get off scott free.

Can Phil defend himself against these blatant lies? NO!  Does he have the option of hiring a groundhog attorney and suing? NO!  Has his reputation as a groundhog, and all other groundhogs been damaged? YES! And why is it Punxsutawney is the only place a groundhog can see his shadow anyhow?

I say it’s time we put a stop to this groundhog abuse. Leave groundhogs alone and let them do whatever it is groundhogs do. Dig ground I guess.

Now this thing with groundhogs started back in Germany where superstition says that if a hibernating animal casts a shadow on February 2nd winter will last another 6 weeks. No shadow, and spring is coming early.  Frankly I think it was an idea conceived by the Germans so that they could import German groundhogs to the U.S. because they apparently were over run with the critters.

And if you look at this whole thing with a broader vision, there are a lot of animals that hibernate, so why not a damn bear or something that sees his shadow. Gimmie a break here!

At least those guys in Punxsutawney would have their hands full if they tried holding up a bear on February 2nd.  Imagine the size of the shadow. Imagine the hernias involved in attempting to hold up a 400 pound bear.

Nope. I’m not buying it.  As I said, this whole Punxsutawney groundhog thing is a giant scam. Most likely a ruse to get visitors, including the media, to visit Punxsutawney, take pictures of a bunch of guys holding up a groundhog, and then venturing off to the local business establishments where they spend hundreds of dollars which helps keeping that town afloat for another year.  I mean, what the hell else is there in Punxsutawney anyway?

And try spelling Punxsutawney folks.  What’s with that!

So, I’m not buying the ol “spring is coming early” theory. Nope.  Not me.

I don’t need no stinkin’ groundhog to know when Spring is coming.

I have my own system.

It’s called the “MWTDS.”  Which stands for, “MisfitWisdom Tax Day System.”  When April 15th rolls around and I have to pay my taxes to the IRS I know Winter is officially over.

Because it takes me that long to come up with the money to pay the SOB’s, and after that, I can actually have a life, with the extra few dollars I have left, and venture out into the open air, and smell…..SPRING!

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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2 Responses to The Truth About Punxsutawney Phil

  1. Doc says:

    In anticipation of global warming extending winter into the summer months, Al Gore is now suggesting that National Groundhog Day be observed on June 2 (starting next year).

    I vote we rename Punxsutawney Phil to just “Punk.”

    “Uh-uh…I know what you’re thinking…did they show Phil 6 times, or only 5? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I kinda lost track myself…but being this was a cloudy day in the most crowded town in the world, and would take a more powerful sun to break through, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘do you feel lucky? Well–do ya Punk?'”

  2. Doc says:

    As Punk walks away, everyone asks, “well, we gotta know!!” Punk just looks down and {sees} {does not see} his shadow…(Fox News, fair and balanced, “YOU decide”).

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