STOP THE PRESSES!!! FLASH!!! BULLETIN!!! Dateline, um……wait….I got carried away there for a minute with this news story that appeared in Time Magazine this week by Joe Klein. You know how excited I get when I read a story that has new startling information in it. Doesn’t take much to get me excited. Sorry. (hold the presses anyhow)
Klein reports that there is talk that Hillary Clinton might be the next Secretary of Defense. And he also goes on to give the pros and cons of her accepting that position. Namely, can she defend herself in that position as Secretary of Defense, which, I assume needs defending if you’re the first woman to be the Secretary of Defense, in which case, you’d have to defend your decisions that you make when deciding what to do to defend whatever it is Secretaries of Defense defend. Us I guess.
I always wanted a Secretary of Defense as a teenager when I was in high school simply to have someone defend me against those school bullies. They always tend to pick on us short kids, so a good Secretary of Defense would have come in handy as far as I was concerned.
“Hey ya little twerp, we’re gonna beat the ever lovin’ crap outta you.”
“Um, excuse me Mongo, but before you do that, you need to confer with my Secretary of Defense who may be able to work out some sort of agreement that might satisfy your need to otherwise pound the livin’ crap outta me.”
See, then I could simply leave, get on the school bus while my Secretary of Defense took care of matters.
Klein says that Hillary accepting the position may be a bad career choice for two reasons. The first being that the Secretary of Defense is going to have a lousy, “nuts-and-bolts” job over the next few years being caught up in budget cuts and fighting the military-industrial-congressional complex.
Hmmmm……..I disagree with Mr. Klein because nuts-and-bolts really shouldn’t be a problem for Hillary considering any hardware store on the face of the earth carries a full stock of nuts and bolts, so if she should ever need to increase her collection of them they would be readily available.
Secondly, on his point of the military-industrial-congressional complex, I see no problem there either. The military-industrial-congressional complex, which we all know is a gated community complex just outside of Washington, D.C. which provides housing for the military and congressmen, which has a big gate at its entrance, could be easily accessible to the Secretary of Defense by simply requesting a key from the former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. Who, by the way, got his last name from being the original keeper of the keys to the gate…of the military-industrial-congressional complex.
Klein feels that there would be better choices for the SOD job. Like John Hamre, a former deputy secretary who knows the Pentagon’s innards as well as anyone. I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable with anyone who knows anything about innards….unless it was a pig farmer.
His other choice would be CIA Director Leon Panetta but, again, anyone who’s familiar with Mexicans and Mexican tradition knows very well that experience with Panetta’s is fine if you’re having a party, waving a big stick, and crack that Panetta, and all the weapons fall out, but what purpose would that experience serve as Secretary of Defense. Except for the big stick thing.
So, all in all, I think that Hillary might well be the best choice for that position. She has all of the necessary qualifications and has proved herself to be quite adept in various defense situations.
Most notably defending and standing by her husband Bill during the verbal attack by the dreaded Lewinsky organization, which, as we all know, was most definitely a threat to our national security, and almost brought down Bill’s pants, um……ok ok, it did bring down his pants, but, only for a few minutes. If it were not for the intervention of Hillary, defending her husband and defeating the forces of evil, and of course standing by him, our whole country could have been Lewinskizied with many many casualties. Most of us would have in turn been caught with our pants down. Horrors!
Sorry Senator Craig.
Then where the hell would we be if Hillary had not defended her man?
I’ll tell ya where. We’d have been stuck with President Gore, that’s where the hell we’d be. And what kind of job would he have done with all of his time being consumed by inventing the Internet? We’d all be spending our time on silly sites like Facebook, Twitter and all those other social networking sites, that’s where!
Um….wait a minute…….I think we’re already doing that. Rats!
So, in conclusion, my vote is for Hillary for Secretary of Defense.
She’ll do a great job defending de-fences, de-bullies, de-Bills, de-military-industrial-congressional complex, and de-Mexican tradition of de- Panettas….or de-Pinatas, as they pronounce it in Mexico.
“Ok Pedero….hand me dee steeek……”
Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV