This is one court room I’d like to be in if I ever got nailed for breaking the law. Why? Because they allow cats to be on a jury. Hey, I’ve got five cats of my own….do ya think they might have some pull with that one cat juror if I was on trial?
The one juror is named Sal, (short for Salvatore I guess……might be an Italian cat)….hmmmm……let’s see.
The cat owners are Guy and Anna Esposito, so there might be a fairly good chance that Sal (the cat) is at least part Italian. Unless he was adopted and not their birth child…….um……..cat. Odds are he was adopted.
Anyhow, Sal received a letter from the court in Boston, Massachusetts that he should report for court duty. Sal, somewhat confused that he, an innocent Tabby, should have to testify in a court of law, immediately took the letter to his parents and asked them to inform the Suffolk Superior Court that he could not honor their request due to circumstances beyond his control.
Namely, that he is a cat. Makes sense to me. Unless the rules for being on a jury have changed. Which, could be a possibility considering Massachusetts residents in Salem once believed in witches, so why not a cat that can talk and serve on a jury.
Mrs. Esposito banged off a letter to the court asking that Sal (the cat) be excused from jury duty because he doesn’t speak or understand English.
Or in cat lingo, “meowhabla nolo meowspeaka meowish English” Which, when translated into English means…..meow.
Mrs. Esposito also attached a letter to hers from her vet confirming that Sal was a “domestic short-haired feline” and not human, at least as far as she could determine.
Now comes the “DUH” part of all this.
A jury commissioner, and we all know that it doesn’t take too much brains to be a jury commissioner, said that he could not exempt Sal (the cat) and that he must attend Suffolk Superior Court.
This all began when Mrs. Esposito listed Sal (the cat) on her last census form under “pets” which, obviously the court people who sent out the notice to Sal (the cat) failed to comprehend.
“Hey Alice, dis here census form lists a household member, “Sal” as a cat but I think they meant to put him down as a “kat” so that must mean that he’s a foreigner living in their house from Katzkastgazan or something.”
“Yeah, that sounds kinda logical to me Herman, send him a jury notice.”
But the Massachusetts judicial branch website clearly states that, “US citizens who do not speak and understand English sufficiently well may be disqualified.”
So Sal (the cat) may have an out here folks. Providing he can sufficiently prove that he can not understand the English language with the exception of the word “meow.”
If Sal’s (the cat) application for disqualification is denied, he is expected to appear in court on March 23rd. I would assume that if this is the case, that a court appointed translator, perhaps a sexy Calico or another Tabby, be appointed to help Sal (the cat) when it comes to casting his vote. A litter box nearby might be good idea as well.
As far as the defendant is concerned, his chances of an acquittal hinge on whether he’s a dog or cat person. One single holdout, like Sal, (the cat) could determine his fate.
My suggestion to whomever is on trial on that date is to stuff their pockets with tons of catnip and carry a can of Fancy Feast or Friskies just in case a bribe is in order.
Hey, what the hell can they do to a cat if it takes a bribe?
Oops….oh yeah……neuter. Rats!
Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV