Yes Richard, there IS a Santa Moose Claus and I “do” tend to write a lot about Ms. Palin. I realize it is a sickness, but with so much wonderful comedy coming out of Alaska, what is a demented writer to do?
I kinda feel, as a blogger and off the wall writer, that my ultimate Christmas present today, to you, is this photograph of Sarah at her best showing off the two main reasons why most red blooded American males would vote for her as our future Moosident.
Now, because today obviously IS Christmas, I found it only fitting to bestow this wonderful gift upon you which you may blow up and hang in your bathroom for those moments when you tend to question your political allegiance….or you’re just plain lonely. Again….the two reasons……as you can plainly see.
Thank me later.
Now, for other friends and celebrities on this Christmas day. Only first names, excluding celebrities….you know who you are.
Tom S.: A new book to write. “Growing Up In Mystic, Why I Still Live Here, And Why I’m Still Bored Out Of My Everlovin’ Tree.”
Bobby B.: A Mr. Magoo costume and mask. (It’s the only imitation he knows how to do)
Dara: A leftover partridge in a stinkin’ pear tree for those lonely chickens you have. Hmmmm, wonder what you get when you cross a chicken with a partridge anyhow? A chickridge or a partren. Might lay some pretty interesting colorful eggs though.
Nancy R.: Three more cats to add to the two she already has so that I’m not the only one who has to experience sharing a queen sized bed with five cats, my other half, six boxes of tissue (sneezing & allergies) and three rolls of paper towels for those intimate middle of the night hair ball episodes. Oh yeah….ear plugs to block out the sound of cats hacking up those hairballs.
Leilani P.: A goat. This is to replace that damn vacuum cleaner that runs at 6,000 decibels while you’re vacuuming and I’m trying to write. Remember….goats eat anything. Oh yeah, a nice leopard leash to go along with it.
Marty S.: A box of Godiva chocolate covered mice for her five cats. Nothing but the best Marty. Tails included.
Billy B.: The ultimate Yankees fan. A one way ticket to the Bronx.
Larry King: Something he obviously doesn’t have and should have upon his retirement….a freakin’ belt.
House Speaker John Boehner: A name change form so he can change his name to “Boner” which will fit him well when he gives it to us in the next session of Congress. Bend over folks.
Lindsay Lohan: An Ipod monitoring ankle bracelet with the song, “They’re Coming To Take Me Away” as a constant reminder of what will happen if she screws up again. (hic)
Glenn Beck: A gold-plated spoon embossed with a sprig of holly with which to gag himself with.
CNN, NBC, CBS,ABC, FOX, BEAR, ANTEATER, POSSUM and any other network I forgot……a sign for their newsroom wall that says: “Remember, news is more important than freakin’, “sorry, we have to break for a commercial” moment.
Wolf Blitzer: An autographed picture of “Blitzer” the reindeer for his family tree chart. There IS a distinct resemblance there folks.
The Kardashian sisters: A life!!! Or, at least the board game, “Life” so they know what the hell a real life is.
All the Real Housewives of New Jersey: A Google street map of all the other housewives from all of the other 50 states so that they can visit them and see that being a real housewife doesn’t merit a TV show. Requirements: A lot of patience and a big shovel to dig a hole in the backyard to bury your spouses body.
Reality TV shows: Cancellation notices….how’s THAT for reality!
The IRS: A Christmas thank you from Wesley Snipes that reads: Thank you from the big house, where I’m here to stay,………..but as long as I’m here, you’re not gettin’ paid.
If I failed to include you in my Christmas gift list, consider yourself one of the lucky ones.
And for the one person who sent me a bag of coal….HAH!….the last laughs on you……..
I have a coal-burning fireplace….heh heh.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.
Copyright Christmas 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV